Public displays of annoyance

I was walking from Extreme Pizza to the library the other day and although the sun was shining and all was well on both sides of me were couples sucking face.

I was minding my own business, flipping through the songs on my playlist, however, I could hear the sounds of slurping and smacking lips over The Format-oh and did I mention that the couples might as well have detached their jaws and swallowed each other whole? I bet they were freshman.
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I’d like to point out that making out like this with your significant other in public does not make him or her any less likely to cheat on you. In fact, it makes me wish they would. You can find these couples not only on campus, but at parties and even on a First Fridays Artwalk. They are also everywhere. It’s spring . flowers bloom, new love blossoms, but there’s a difference between being a cute couple, and being a couple from Dante’s fifth circle of hell.
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I get it, I sound bitter, but we have all been there. I have been that freshman with the new boyfriend who always wants to hang out with him. But I got over it. Fast.

New relationships are fun, especially because you haven’t gotten annoyed with the person yet-but couples should realize that they should have friends outside of the relationship. Especially if you move into a one-bedroom apartment, and a few months later your partner suddenly needs “space.” Gotta have a place to crash, right?
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Remember those friends you had BEFORE you got involved with the love of your life whom you are destined to marry-because it is obvious that after two months of dating that this is forever.
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Every group of friends has that one couple who they have to tolerate, that couple that constantly makes the rest of the group uncomfortable-even nauseous. Please avoid being this couple at all costs.

Here are some helpful tips to avoid being a plague to your friends and society in general.

If you have been holding onto your partner for more than 10 minutes at a party, chances are you have started to annoy people. Hold on to them for 20 minutes, while making out and take off articles of clothing?? You probably won’t be invited back to that humble abode.

If when you see your significant other talking to a person of the opposite sex you have to go over and metaphorically pee all over them, then you might be a little insecure and maybe you should look at the women’s empowerment section of Cosmopolitan.

Your relationship is beautiful, and if it is truly forever, then you will be more like Donna and Eric on “That 70’s Show,” instead of Jackie and Kelso.

If you are paranoid that your partner is cheating on you-get a life. Let’s be honest, if they are cheating on you, it’ll come out eventually and it’s better that you not come off as a paranoid nutcase.

If you spend 24 hours a day with your significant other, it is time to get a hobby. We are in college and maybe you should learn how to be independent and exist as your own person. This goes for long-distance couples too. If your partner only lives as far as Northern Virginia there is no reason for them to be in Richmond Wednesday through Sunday every week. You shouldn’t need anybody that badly.