Take the blue pill

I’m a crazy mixture of things – of experiences, affiliations and allegiances. But I can assure you, being non-religious is hard, much harder than it may seem. In a way, it seems a mixture of blessing and curse. Of course, all of the things that accompany religion – obligation and abstinence from certain types of behaviors – do not apply to me. I can go out on my weekends and be the complete hedonist. The only ones I have to answer to is myself and the police, if I get too wild.

Then there’s the other side of things. Nothing is worse than hitting rock bottom and feeling the emptiness and loneliness that accompanies life without God. I’ve been there quite a few times. It’s a difficult path to follow. Some people like to associate a nonreligious lifestyle as similar to the “freedom” that Neo received in “The Matrix” when he accepted Morpheus’s red pill. That’s an awful analogy. Whatever quirk or bizarre mechanation “freed” me from the influence of spiritualism is also the same thing that’ll doom me to face life’s great trials and tribulations with only earthly means. I don’t look forward to coping with the eventual loss of everything important to me knowing that’s just “how it is.” I also hate how all of the things in life that I hold precious, like love and friendship, are things that can be “explained.” The aura and mystery of everything that is human and wonderful slowly fades in my walk of life. Nothing is special, and eventually, nothing is beautiful, with the exception of my own delusions.

As I get older, I gain a stronger understanding of why people choose to believe in what at first seems to be illogical, irrational and weak. I know better now. Most of these people have a strong concept of hope, a sense of mercy and generally happy optimism in life that helps them trudge on in even the worst conditions. Right now, I have my youth. Most things I encounter can’t stop me – the sky’s the limit. As I get older, and less capable, I wonder how confident I will be in myself and my abilities.

Of course, people might ask, “Why not become religious?” Religion is important as a reinforced social construct, in my opinion. It’s something that needs to be nurtured throughout one’s life. I couldn’t simply pick a religion. Like growing up without a parent, it’s not a facet of life you can just replace or patch up. It’s either a component that’s there or isn’t. Maybe this’ll prove wrong in the future, but as of now, this is what my experience has been.

A lot of my nonreligious “brethren” really feel that they have to turn the masses from organized religion to something more palatable for “modern” society. I don’t know if that’ll work, or if it’s even a good thing for that matter. No known civilization in history has existed without religion, and it may be the very thing that caused us to rise up from grasslands and become something greater as a species. I appreciate the perspective I’m given with the frame of reference I have. But sometimes, I realize it’s just a lonely path that some of us are fatefully forced to walk. It’s not a lifestyle I’d ever wish upon anyone, and never should any other person with a sense of decency try to impose that on otherwise happy people.