Zodiac Cookies

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Leave a sorry note on the windshield of the car you bumped while parking. What’s a little scratched paint between college students: $500. Saying I’m sorry anonymously: priceless.

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 23
Holiday cash is everywhere. Start with that good friend that owes you money.

Scorpio Oct. 24 – Nov. 21
Holiday weight awaits you. Eat, drink and be merry. But just in case you have too good of a time, buy clothes that fit two sizes bigger.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
The key word in Thanksgiving is giving. Give a dollar to the homeless man and don’t ask questions. Sure, he has a brown paper bag in one hand, but his other is empty.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Love is blind. But if your partner smokes and you don’t, buy glasses, immediately.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Give the finger to someone who deserves it. That’s what it’s there for.

Pisces Feb. 19- March 20
Learn how to say thank you in Chinese. “Xie xie” is pronounced shay shay. You may get a break the next time you pick up your fried rice and egg roll.

Aries March 21 – April 19
Pay your rent a week in advance. You’ll breathe a lot easier on the 1st.

Taurus April 20 – May 20
Join a walking club, and run.

Gemini May 21 – June 21
Pick up the next penny you see laying on the sidewalk and become 1 cent richer. Think of it as a dollar having a baby.

Cancer June 22 – July 22
Tell your Wal-Mart cashier thank you using his or her name. Maybe you’ll get a smile, maybe you won’t. You’ll feel better knowing you tried.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22
Your secret admirer will mistake a blink for a wink and ask you out this week. Keep your eyes open, but don’t try too hard.