Humor

Dear Dr. Times: Treats for your tricky questions

Lauren Prattis, Contributing Writer Fall is finally here — the leaves are changing colors, the weather is getting cooler and Dr. Times is back.  The CT staff submitted questions about how to navigate the changing leaves and everything that comes along with the spookiest season of all.  Dear Dr. Times,  How best should I dress for the hot and cold weather of Richmond in October?  Sincerely,  Putting the “sweat” in “sweater” Dear Reader,  Richmond’s climate is a force to be reckoned with, and I completely understand your struggle. I used to leave for my morning commute in a nice fall outfit only to be sweating buckets by lunchtime.  I recently invented the perfect fix — electronic cardigans. This cutting-edge technology comes with a built-in air conditioner and space heater.  In the morning, I recommend turning the heat up to the maximum setting so you are nice and toasty for the beginning of the day.  Once it reaches noon and the crisp fall air turns into a hot and humid disaster, switch on the AC. This will let you keep up with fall styles while staying as cool as a cucumber.  The only issues reported during product testing were first-degree burns,

The graduation situation

Dylan Hostetter, Executive Editor There are some moments in your life that just feel more consequential than others. Graduating college is a big deal. I mean, the last time I wore a gown it was because I was hospitalized for doing a sleep study on myself. Take it from me, sleep-walking through a collegiate fencing tournament is no way to spend an afternoon. That sleep study is actually one of my earliest memories in college. It’s really crazy to think about all I’ve been through; from that time I made a replica of myself using artificial intelligence, to when I befriended that leprechaun. I’m beginning to think the effects of that sleep study on my brain may be more intense than I previously realized — but I digress. As my alarm clock blared on the morning of my graduation, it finally hit me. It was all over. No longer would I travel the world while in Zoom classes, solve mysteries in my oversized trench coat or fight off ram-filled tornadoes. OK really, what is wrong with my life? After the flood of memories made its way through my mind, I finally took the time to realize I was 30 minutes

Dear Dr. Times: Treats for your tricky questions

Lauren Prattis, Contributing Writer Fall is finally here — the leaves are changing colors, the weather is getting cooler and Dr. Times is back.  The CT staff submitted questions about how to navigate the changing leaves and everything that comes along with the spookiest season of all.  Dear Dr. Times,  How best should I dress for the hot and cold weather of Richmond in October?  Sincerely,  Putting the “sweat” in “sweater” Dear Reader,  Richmond’s climate is a force to be reckoned with, and I completely understand your struggle. I used to leave for my morning commute in a nice fall outfit only to be sweating buckets by lunchtime.  I recently invented the perfect fix — electronic cardigans. This cutting-edge technology comes with a built-in air conditioner and space heater.  In the morning, I recommend turning the heat up to the maximum setting so you are nice and toasty for the beginning of the day.  Once it reaches noon and the crisp fall air turns into a hot and humid disaster, switch on the AC. This will let you keep up with fall styles while staying as cool as a cucumber.  The only issues reported during product testing were first-degree burns, hair being singed off and the product bursting into flames when it made contact with even the slightest droplet of water.  Stay warm — or cool,  Dr. Times  Dear Dr. Times,  My roommate moved out because our apartment is haunted. How do I get the ghost to start paying rent to make up for it?  Sincerely,  Haunted and broke  Dear Reader,  This is more common than you think. Richmond is known for its ghost tours, but that does not mean the spirit should live in your humble abode for free.  The Ghostbusters are known for their beige jumpsuits and ghost-trap backpacks, but they also have a small claims division.  The Ghostbusters’ small claims division consists of a team of legal experts who are well-versed in dealing with paranormal roommate disputes. They will give your new roommate an ultimatum — pay up or get zapped up into the containment chamber.  This usually works. You will get caught up on rent in no time.  Best of luck, Dr. Times Dear Dr. Times,  How many pumpkin spice lattes is too many? I’ve had seven every day since the end of August and I am starting to feel weird. Best, Stomachache survivor Dear Reader, 

The graduation situation

Dylan Hostetter, Executive Editor There are some moments in your life that just feel more consequential than others. Graduating college is a big deal. I mean, the last time I wore a gown it was because I was hospitalized for doing a sleep study on myself. Take it from me, sleep-walking through a collegiate fencing tournament is no way to spend an afternoon. That sleep study is actually one of my earliest memories in college. It’s really crazy to think about all I’ve been through; from that time I made a replica of myself using artificial intelligence, to when I befriended that leprechaun. I’m beginning to think the effects of that sleep study on my brain may be more intense than I previously realized — but I digress. As my alarm clock blared on the morning of my graduation, it finally hit me. It was all over. No longer would I travel the world while in Zoom classes, solve mysteries in my oversized trench coat or fight off ram-filled tornadoes. OK really, what is wrong with my life? After the flood of memories made its way through my mind, I finally took the time to realize I was 30 minutes

The Final week

Katie Meeker, Contributing Writer I wake up to another day in the beautiful city of Richmond, Virginia. I yawn, get up and brush my teeth. As I get dressed for the day, I check the weather on my phone — oh, good, it looks like it’s another day of miserably cold temperatures followed by miserably hot temperatures. At least it’s not raining.  It’s already 9 a.m. — I’d better get going soon, I want to do some studying in Cabell library before my final this afternoon. All dressed, I take a step out of my apartment and am immediately attacked by a gust of pollen. My eyes burning and throat raw, I hack and rub the yellow dust out of my eyes as I cross the street, cursing. I jump back as I am nearly hit by a car running a red light. Typical Broad Street. As I get closer to campus, dodging another near car crash on Franklin Street, I can hear the soothing, extremely disruptive tones of the self-proclaimed preacher that haunts the edges of the Compass. Taking a wide berth around him, wary of his spittle and comments on my looming eternal damnation, I finally reach the

Dr. Times workplace advice

Natalie McEwan, Opinions and Humor Editor Lauren Prattis, Audience Editor Summer and graduation are just around the corner, and with that comes internship applications, summer jobs and postgraduate opportunities that may all make you want to rip your hair out. But don’t fret, Rams! Dr. Times, resident expert, is here to answer all your questions about the workplace.   Dear Dr. Times,  I’ve never been able to nail down the “office siren” look that’s been going viral on TikTok. Do you have any tips or tricks?  Sincerely, Not filling out a pantsuit Dear Reader,  Another client was telling me about this new trend. I don’t believe in the internet so I’m not all that tuned into what the kids are doing these days, but I’ll give it my best shot.  I think the best way to execute the look is to fully immerse yourself into siren culture. Take a few voice lessons to make sure your singing voice is in the best shape possible — your coworkers are bound to be absolutely captivated.  From what I understand, you can’t buy the attire at the mall, so you’re going to have to collect the shells from the ocean and make it

The case of the missing water

Dylan Hostetter, Executive Editor The average human can’t survive more than three days without water, and as it turns out, the same goes for a

The gym hits back

Dylan Hostetter, Executive Editor New Year’s resolutions are just another promise we don’t intend to keep — like when I was a kid and promised