Dr. Times: Midterms advice

Natalie McEwan, Opinions and Humor Editor

Lauren Prattis, Audience Editor

The CT staff asked for study advice for their midterms and Dr. Times is here to answer!

Dear Dr. Times,

If I use ChatGPT on my English midterm, what are the chances I get away with it?

Sincerely, a frequent AI user

Dear Reader,

The question you should be asking is not if you can get away with it, but if ChatGPT will even pass your midterm! The real issue here is that the grounds of the English major is not writing itself, but arguing. ChatGPT is not the best at that — yet. 

Here’s where you come in reader. I’ve developed a foolproof way to get away with it and pass your midterm — create your own AI model specifically for English midterms that you train to argue. Of course, you’ll have to learn how to code. You’ll also have to learn how to write argumentative essays for this plan to work. The AI needs essays to learn from after all. Come to think of it, you might just be better off writing the midterm yourself. 

Dear Dr. Times, 

Is it unethical to switch my answer sheet with the person next to me when they get up to use the bathroom?

 Sincerely, a bad test taker

Dear Reader, 

Cheating off of peers can definitely backfire. You never know which of their answers are correct and which ones are beyond wrong. Instead, break into your professor’s office and rummage through their desk until you find something labeled “answer key to midterm.” Now reader, this will only work if they are one of those old fashioned professors who keep everything on paper. If you have a professor who digitizes everything, pay a disgruntled computer science student to hack into their Google Drive. 

If you want to get really advanced, somehow figure out how to sneak the test out of the room while everyone is taking it and scan it into ChatGPT. The challenge here — besides taking the entire test out of the room without drawing attention — is memorizing all of the answers in a short time span. I’ll leave that up to you, dear reader.

Dear Dr. Times, 

It seems like there are never any available tables in the library during midterms week, yet the rest of the semester it is almost empty. What should I do?

Sincerely, sitting on the floor

Dear Reader, 

The struggle is real! I fondly look back on the long nights I spent hunched over a library table, takeout containers and coffee cups surrounding me. I always had the best seat in the house! It is not easy to consistently get a good spot, but there are a few things I would always do to ensure I could study to the best of my ability:

First, camp out in front of the library for hours before it opens — it’s best to get there the night before. Since it is midterms week, I’m going to assume that you will be there already. Bring extra snacks, water, comfy clothes and of course a sleeping bag or tent. There’s no need to go all the way home if you’re coming back a few hours later. In the morning, you’ll be rested and ready to hunker down and study for the whole day. 

This next one is a bit unconventional, but I know from personal experience that it works. Placing an “out of order” sign on a study room might get you in trouble with library security, but it will ensure that you have a quiet place to study with no interruptions. 

Off the record, I see no issue with moving someone’s stuff, especially if you haven’t seen them there for a few hours. The library has a lost and found system, I’m sure they’ll track down their backpack eventually.

Dear Dr. Times, 

I’m struggling to remember all I’m studying. Should I watch a Subway Surfers video next to lectures?

Sincerely, a brain rot enthusiast

Dear Reader,

Midterms are a stressful time, and I understand the need for some calming background ambiance, like brain rot YouTube compilations. I suggest you take it one step further. This plan will require two screens, but it will help you study in half the amount of time. 

First, convert your lecture into a Minecraft parkour video. You should have that lecture on one screen. On your other screen, put a second lecture on the top half and a Subway Surfers video on the bottom half. That way, you are consuming two lectures at once. 

The brain rot of each lecture plays off of the other to make it easier to focus on both! This is how I studied for my PhD in advice-giving, and my expert advice is all the proof you need to see how effective this is.