An Ode to Self Care

Illustration by Alex Hwee

Shaun Jackson

Staff Columnist 

Recommended Listening While Reading: thank u, next – Ariana Grande


How do you become hard to get? Do you just have to be an amazing, cool person and choosy about who you date?

 

I don’t think having standards — to a degree — has ever hurt anyone, but there is such a thing as being too choosy. Moreover, I am having difficulty trying to decipher why you would want to play hard to get. Wouldn’t it be much easier to tell who you’re attracted to that you’re attracted to them? Playing hard to get only works if you don’t have to ask how to do it, in my humble opinion. You’re not the main bill in a rom com, cut it out. Playing hard to get is extremely overrated. Try being vulnerable instead.

How does one navigate running into an ex who clearly has feelings for you but you’ve moved on (either in your mind or heart or both)?

Hmmm, this can be tough depending on how amicable things were when it ended between you two. Usually, I like to contend that when a relationship is over, you no longer owe that person a damn thing. Believe me, this is easier said than done. (I’m the queen of replying to texts I know damn well I shouldn’t give the time of day.) Ultimately, that person’s feelings are just that. It does not fall on you to navigate those feelings or even explain them. That’s for them to navigate, and you should not be held back in any way because of it.

My boyfriend makes me feel that I owe him sexual favors in return for how much he’s been there for me emotionally. When I don’t comply with everything he requests, I’m told that I’m asking for more than I’m willing to give. Is the problem really me here?

Girl, I love how you bought this. NO! You probably needed to hear it from an external force, but the same thing your best friend, cousin, mom, and guidance counselor probably told you is true: the problem isn’t you, it’s him! First of all, he is not there for you emotionally; he is tolerating you so he can emotionally blackmail you for sex later. He sounds like a petulant, fedora-clad manchild that is probably posting on a “Not All Men” subreddit as we speak. Do yourself a big favor and remove him from your life. No one needs that kind of vindictive manipulation and toxicity in their life.

I recently met someone who I feel I connect with on a deeply personal level and share oddly similar life goals and views with, and as a result, would like to ask out. The problem is, I don’t think she would ever feel the same and even if she did, we are both at a bad time in our lives to date with traveling and post-grad plans interfering with any dating. Should I risk ruining our possible best-friendship by asking her out or just be content with being single and developing a close friendship?

Honestly, no one will ever know until you try. If you guys are as close friends as you say, this will be but a bump in the road that you guys will laugh about later. On the other hand, maybe she’s feeling the same way and she’s just as afraid — if not more so — than you and now you guys are stuck in this limbo of “will they or won’t they.” It’s probably killing you both but you’re both too oblivious to see it.

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