CT blind date: Brian Charlton

Nick Bonadies
Spectrum Editor

It took weeks of heated late-night debate and thorough microscopic/spectral analysis by CT romantologists (with stethoscopes and white lab coats) – but now, at last, on the big day, our experts have revealed the lucky recipients of The CT’s all-expense-paid blind date!

Even as you read these words, the lovebirds pictured and profiled below are being driven by CT chauffeurs out and about our fair city for a night of fine (read: expensive) dining, general shenanigans, and – who knows – perhaps even something steamier to come.

Check out next week’s Spectrum for full long-form written, visual, and multimedia coverage of Brian and Zarmeena’s hot date – from start to finish –and for better or for worse.

BRIAN CHARLTON |  senior psychology major

BC I’d rather not disclose my middle name.

CT Is it a weird middle name?

BC It’s not weird, really it’s just … It’s “Scrotum,” so.  Please don’t write it.

CT Alright.

WHAT HE SENT US

To whom this may concern,

Hello, my name is Brian Charlton and am a 23 year old zombie born as a Scorpio. I currently appreciate irony, for you see I am a Psychologist in training. As my ancestors before me have been fascinated by brains; brain eating, pickling, cooking, etc., so you can understand my interest in the subject matter. I have recently quit brains and most meat cold turkey. I am deep into my studies for which have over taken most of my days, but always have room to eat, err meet, new people. I love music, movies (dramadies and horror are my thing), writing, reading, and Science. I don’t like the sound of a fork scraping on a plate. I am just looking for an interesting experience that might bring me outside my normal comfort zone. Seeing as I am a zombie, I look for a woman that is not only beautiful but intelligent. She needs to be out there but not gone and share my same appreciation for movies.

BC Basically I was just getting really tired of doing the same shit every day. And I just saw this as an opportunity to put myself in a weird position and hopefully be able to work my way through it.

I kind of didn’t think, I mean … I thought you guys would take me … not very seriously, at all.

CT What made you go with the psychology degree?

BC Basically, just the idea of people being able to realize that they exist in the world. It’s like, I like philosophy a lot, but that’s kind of not realistic, so I went with psychology. They’re one and the same, if you really think about it.  They both started on the same kind of notion of thinking about thinking. It’s kind of cool.

CT Are there any plans for post-graduation?

BC Um, no, not really. I was thinking maybe graduate school, but I don’t really wanna do the whole medical thing. I don’t like the idea of prescribing kids Ritalin and s***. But yeah, I’m not exactly sure, to tell you the truth.

CT How has Richmond treated you the past few years?

BC Cities in general are always gonna be places where you experience things you’re not gonna experience other places. I grew up in sort of a suburban area, in Fairfax Virginia. And it’s just boring as s***. And like in a city, there’s this … infinite amount of things I could be doing every day. I guess this being one of them (indicates microphone).

CT This can’t be the weirdest thing you’ve had happen.

BC Well, I lit myself on fire Friday.

CT Were you trying to start a political revolution?

BC I was, but then I stopped halfway through it. I jumped in a big pool.

CT Is it possible to halfway set yourself on fire? It seems like an either/or situation.

BC Well, I mean – I did set myself on fire, but not on purpose. I went over to my friend’s party, and – I swear to god, I had three beers, I was not drunk.

I get in there and we’re talking and I’m hanging out with someone, and … I back up into the gas stove, and you know how they have the little turn things, I guess my ass figured out a way to turn it on, and.. it lit, obviously.

And I was standing there a good second before I smelt burnt ass and realized it was mine.  It actually… (reveals back of jacket)

CT Woah.

BC But I have a lot of those stories where some weird shit happens to me. I’m kind of that person, that … bad weird s*** happens to. Did you guys hear about the deck collapse?

CT I seem to recall.

BC I was on that deck. … I didn’t get hurt that bad, so I wasn’t about to sue, but like … other people really got hurt.

CT As scary as that must have been – if I could direct you to your traumatic childhood memories …

BC When Uncle Bob took me in that room, one fateful day.

CT That’s … heavy.

BC I did have a traumatic dream as a child …?

CT Please, tell us.

BC Well I was in, like, preschool or something. It was really weird, I think I was like six or seven years old … I was in a classroom, it was like my normal classroom. And a kid walks up to another one, I don’t remember exactly the details … and he bites him, right here (indicates right deltoid).  And he likes rips off a chunk of his shoulder, and … it starts like glowing, like there’s sunshine in his body.

CT We appreciate you sharing with us, Brian.

BC Oh sure, no problem.

CT What has your dating experience been like, before the upcoming love connection?

BC I don’t really date that much. I’ve had a total of like three girlfriends my entire life, the first one being the longest and the worst. … You always think you find that special someone until they go crazy.

CT Describe your ideal date.

BC Maybe – when everything goes wrong, but somehow it works, anyways.

CT Last thing – what’s the most private/intimate/personal fact you’re willing to share with the greater VCU populace?

BC I don’t know. … Sorry, my nose is running.

CT You’re good. But, ah… about the intimate fact.

BC Yeah, I was kind of hoping you would forget that.

CT Nope.  Sorry.

BC Um … I don’t know, I think it’s more funny than weird, but I lie to people about a scar that I have. I say I got bit by a shark. … It’s more of a messing with people kind of thing, but you can interpret that however you want.

The reality is completely retarded, it’s just that someone dropped their bike on me and the pegs like hit me in the leg. But they went like really deep in. But I tell people it’s a shark bite.

People are so f***ing gullible, even though there’s like so much scientific fact that stuff just can’t happen. Take Bill O’Reilly, for instance.