I blame the economy

The Dow is down, and so is my self-esteem. A few issues back I said you couldn’t spell “down” without “Dow,” and this crumbling economy is proving that moods are headed right on down with the stock market.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell another 300 points Tuesday, which is just something else to put a damper on everything. Ironically, the Dow fell again the same day President Barack Obama signed the stimulus plan into law.

I rattle off details that I am completely unqualified to go into – I have had only one semester of economics – but instead I will leave that to The Wall Street Journal and ask that we just talk about the happy times.

Let’s look at it this way: Richmond can’t pick a season, none of us have lost our holiday weight, the hours you put in on the treadmill aren’t showing yet and not to mention everyone is broke or close to it. It is not exactly hard to see why everyone is so down on themselves lately. I am not going to promise a solution-I can only provide suggestions that will make you hate your life a little less and you might learn some.

1. For those of you who have some extra money in your pockets, now is a really great time to go shopping. Retail stores are hurting and many stores are trying to get rid of their winter clothes so everything is on sale. Also, don’t forget about FanTastic Thrift and Diversity Thrift. These stores are amazing.

Don’t go somewhere and blow your budget on $500 shoes; pick up some winter clearance stuff at Old Navy for half-price and feel good about yourself because new clothes make people happy and happy people are less likely to hate their lives. FACT.

2. Instead of going out to bars and spending $10 on two Blue Moons while watching a basketball game, get a few cases of Natural Light and watch the game in a place where you don’t have to pay to watch someone else’s television. My recommendation? Get a keg of Pabst Blue Ribbon and throw a party. PBR is the People’s Beer of Richmond and perfect for people on a budget-stop acting like you are too good to drink it and learn to like it. Not all beer is cheap, but some beer is cheap.

3. Have some friends over to drink that cheap beer. No one has to worry about getting thrown out of a bar at last call.

4. To get us through this cold weather, at least we have one thing to look forward to: beach season. It is almost time to grab more cases of cheap beer and some friends and head down to the beach. The ocean has calming vibes and it is almost impossible to be unhappy when it is sunny outside.

5. We all have every reason to have an “FML” attitude almost every day-but not the weekend. An “FML” attitude means an “f*** my life” attitude-which is self-explanatory. The weekend is reserved for fun. Cheer up from Friday to Sunday and do something fun-no homework.

Lastly, if the thought of doing these things doesn’t cheer you up, catch up on your celebrity gossip or get a weave. I recommend the weave because celebrity gossip changes daily, but a weave lasts forever-or at least three months. If readers have any more “get happy” suggestions, please e-mail them to opinion@commonwealthtimes.com.