How Facebook broke my heart

I love Facebook. I can admit it. I am proud to admit it. A few semesters ago, when I was a young fawn in English 200, I even wrote my paper on Facebook. Granted, my topic stemmed from wanting to write my 15-page paper on PerezHilton.com and being told I would fail the class if I did that. But, the point is I am one of Facebook’s greatest fans.

I am aware that this makes me sound not only more than slightly creepy, but also like a stalker. So, if you don’t know me, all I am asking you to do is help me out and give me the benefit of the doubt here, because all of you know that you have love for Facebook too.

So, here is my problem: as much as I enjoy spending time perusing Facebook, I also happen to detest change. Especially when layouts of certain online social-networking sites change overnight and no one was even given a final choice. Sure, we were given warnings; I stared for weeks at a tab on my homepage proclaiming, “Soon, New Facebook will be the only Facebook.” I would see that warning every day, telling myself I was prepared.
However, is there really a way to prepare oneself for something so traumatic? This is why my reaction when I woke up to find that “New Facebook” was really the “only Facebook” was a little bit along the lines of . hostile, to put it lightly.

Just kidding. I really just shrugged and blamed everything on Facebook founder Mark Zuckerburg.

I just don’t get it. What was wrong with the old layout? Was it not flashy enough? Was it too easy to access? Did the people in charge of Facebook just get really stoned and they are trying to play a prank on us college students? Oh, and I mean college students, because high school Facebook does not count. Seriously, did we really need separate tabs for our wall, info and boxes? I’ll get to photos in a second.

Dividing all of these vital sections of Facebook simply messes things up because it throws off the natural “flow” of the site. Most importantly, where are my bumper stickers? I spent months accumulating and sending witty bumper stickers and now they have disappeared – at least on my account – and I am just offended.

The news feed appears to be the same with the usually three-day delay in announcing things, and by three-day, I mean anywhere between a few days and three weeks. I can only imagine that must be what it was like waiting for mail to arrive while living on the prairie during the 1800s.

This leaves me on photos, which I think is one of the redeeming aspects of “New Facebook.” With the new, separate tab, It has become about 100 times easier to stalk people. This is mostly because Facebook users have not learned to block people from seeing their pictures on “New Facebook.” So, I like to think of this as an added feature to the new lineup.

For the past few days, I also have been made aware that there are new ways to return to “Old Facebook.” I haven’t done it because I am lazy and this is too much work, but I have heard it is possible. However, the more I use “New Facebook,” the more I get used to the newness of everything. Although, I really do want my bumper stickers back.

Also, on the plus side, “New Facebook” doesn’t give me all those ads for diet pills constantly. Because, yes, I am dying to go on Lauren Conrad’s diet. If I wanted to go on her diet, I wouldn’t need to buy any teas or diet pills, I would just stop eating for a few months.

While I think there are both pros and cons to “New Facebook,” I am firmly opposed to joining any “1,000,000 to Bring Back the Old Facebook” groups-so don’t ask me. If they have not worked by now, they will not work and if I wanted to join a group to complain on its wall, it would certainly not be one of those.

Maybe one day I’ll become nostalgic enough and bring back “Old Facebook.” Maybe one day the glorious days of bumper stickers, graffiti walls and LolCats will be here again, oh happy, happy days. But, for now, I am going to let the man get me down and go look and see if any of my friends have new photos up.