Killing with kindness

Is there really such a thing as being too generous? I wonder if it’s true. I’ve noticed that my offers to help people sometimes draw an awkward glance or feeling of apprehension. I expect it. Too many people now are used to the “fact” that most people are selfish and do things in a self-centered way. I disagree with that idea. Certainly, people may be inherently selfish, but once trust is established, people notice and act differently and certainly in a less selfish manner.

Of course, it’s always smart to make sure there aren’t any catches. No one likes to get caught up in a situation where you owe someone something when you’ve never asked to be in that position in the first place. That’s the problem, right there, though. We interpret actions as necessarily having motives. When someone does something nice, it’s because there is a catch. That is terrible; generosity is an excellent quality in a person and a value I try to live up to every day. When it comes to friends and family, it’s not the money that I’ve spent, but rather the quality of time that matters to me.

That’s why I offer my free time to help friends out with editing papers, or to pick them up when their car is broken down. That’s why I offer my friends a drink when they come over. It’s because friendship and closeness are very important values to me, and when someone is a good friend to me, I want to reward that quality and the value that they provide to me, because good people deserve good things. And I don’t keep count, so don’t worry about paying me back. If I cared about that, then I’m just giving things in expectation for return favors. That’s just bad.

So, consider being more generous, and at the same time, don’t feel awkward when someone makes generous motions toward you; most of the time, it means you matter enough for them to go out of their way for you. It’s a high compliment. Always be aware of possible motivations, but do not disregard the fact that there are people who still believe in quality relationships and believe also that those relationships are nurtured through kindness and generosity on both parties’ behalves.