The bait and switch of college flings

In our post-feminist society, gender and sex roles are very different than how they were in the past. Women and men are more free than ever to engage in relationships and sex without the overwhelming disapproval that once accompanied such pairings. Casual flings and friends-with-benefits situations are commonplace where even a few decades ago, they were rarities. Who benefits from this, though? I’d wager it’s the guys. Stereotypical, yes, but it’s true 90 percent of the time.

Some people will say women gained a lot of power in the sexual revolution. I think many of them have lost it. Truth be told, women control sex in our society. They are the ones who usually choose when they want to and with who; very rarely is it the other way around. This control grants a lot of power and leverage when it comes to relationships, and the tension can often dictate the quality of potential relationships, but too often this is ignored.

It’s fairly obvious, ladies: Most of us guys are out there to make “sexy time.” For those of you oblivious to the fact, it’s a slimy reality. And it’s pretty easy nowadays. Most any guy I know can find a girl to hook up with by the weekend, engage in sexual relations and then leave, while the girl spends the next week trying to call the guy repeatedly – while he relishes the fact that he could probably pull it off again by next week with someone else. The girls who hold out are the ones who drive the guys nuts.

Our culture now is very visual, very sensual and very sexual. And we’ve conditioned an entire generation to think that sex, in and of itself, leads to fulfillment. It’s pleasurable, no doubt, but most people will confess that they get burned out on the college scene, with its vague boundaries and superficial relationships based on drunken hookups. That’s an important lesson to be drawn. If that lifestyle was so great, people wouldn’t be opting for marriage and longer-term relationships as they get older. Lame, yes, but true.

More often than not, women on campus use sex to try to establish relationships with the people they desire. I see it all the time. It rarely works out. There’s a big reason for that, and it’s a mean analogy, but name something that’s worth having that also happens to come easy. You can’t. We value things like running a marathon and winning the Nobel Prize because they’re not easy – they’re hard. When you lay your cards on the table right off the bat, and you’re not establishing yourself as confident and independent, we know exactly what’s up. That in and of itself is 90 percent of the reason guys ditch after a hookup – no challenge. It’s simple supply and demand.

Ultimately, I feel that a lot of women are convinced they need to do something for relationships – have sex – that they needn’t do. Now, there are quite a few people who can do that lifestyle and not get hurt – more power to them, but if you want a quality relationship, ladies, make the guy wait. It’ll weed out the slimy guys and leave the ones who actually like hanging out with you. It’s an effective strategy, weeding out the losers, and in the process, it forces them to get with the program. But here’s the deal: Women need to get on the same page, or it doesn’t work. It’s like a fortress: one wall gone, and it’s useless.