Delegate Reid’s Gun

Did you hear it? It went off during the early business hours on the seventh floor of the General Assembly building on Broad Street in downtown River City. I’m talking about John Reid’s gun of course. Delegate John Reid’s gun.

No, he wasn’t trying to whack an annoying lobbyist or punish his lazy legislative aide, nor was he testing one of life’s other staple items (besides the firearm that the delegate swears he needs on Capitol grounds), that bulletproof vest that he ironically had hanging on his wall.

It was an accident, duh! These things happen you know. Guns fire themselves. So there you go, all you foolish pro-gun folks who proclaim, “Guns don’t kill people but people do.” Well, apparently guns can fire themselves, so guns can therefore kill people without the need for people to be involved at all. Or maybe the gun does need a person – just one like Delegate Reid.

Nevertheless, it was a good thing our public servant does indeed think himself some kind of mercenary and had his body armor with him that day, for if the lead plunger hadn’t gotten stuck in that flack jack, it might’ve gotten stuck in an unfortunate passerby (who wasn’t wearing his or her own General Assembly-issued vest at the time, of course.)

Yet, according to the Virginia Capitol Police (that mysterious police force whose jurisdiction and job description is just as elusive as that other pseudo-police force, VCU’s finest), the politico did nothing wrong. Thus, the Republican from suburban Republicanland Henrico County that surrounds Democratic urban Richmond received no prison time, no fine, no spanking, not even a verbal reprimand for his stupidity and negligence.

It is certainly a great philosophical discussion akin to the tree in the forest deal. Imagine what moral situation we live in where the idea is held that only when someone is affected by your action (whether right or wrong) do you become responsible. See, I can certainly imagine, or at least hope, that if the jacket didn’t take one for the team, and a secretary did, or definitely if a senator or someone else of great importance got pricked by our lead friend, then the untouchable Delegate Reid would find himself in quite the law-breaking predicament. But does this make logical sense on moral grounds?

The action, regardless of any actual consequences, is wrong because of the potential consequences. Hence DUIs and speeding tickets. You are putting others and yourself in unnecessary danger. Therefore, the state has a duty to protect its citizens and punish you accordingly to deter any future potentially hazardous scenarios. If you don’t crash your car into a pedestrian and send him flying over the hood into oblivion, you still receive a penalty for driving under the influence because you could have sent that poor guy flying. The same should hold true for Delegate Reid and his poor behavior.

But those who make the laws seldom are found guilty of breaking them. I cringed every time I saw all those hypocrites drinking free booze to their hearts’ content at all those lobby-sponsored receptions I went to during my Capital Semester internship. These are the same delegates and senators who are constantly ramming down our throats how severe a crime it is to drive a motor vehicle after a drink (even though a 0.08 BAC is like 0.08 a beer). These are the same delegates and senators who year after year feel it is necessary to make the penalties fiercer to thwart such terrible behavior. Yet I can assume that, when drunken Delegate X gets pulled over with his special government license plate on the back of his Benz, he doesn’t do the time that Joe Schmoe who can’t afford a decent attorney does. And so it is with Delegate Reid and his phantom gun.

By the way, now that drinking is on my mind, what kind of country is this that hands out concealed weapons permits at the same age it finally permits its citizenry to legally sip alcoholic beverages? I think this bizarre Puritanlandia needs to start getting its priorities straight.

Anyway, Reid’s weapon of choice is a Kel-Tec P-3AT .380 caliber semi-automatic pocket pistol. To the delegate’s defense (in a way), his piece is one of the cheapest manufactured guns in its class. The company that produces it hasn’t been around even a miniscule of a fraction as long as such reliable producers as Beretta, which has been making firearms since before Columbus and is trusted by our military. But Reid’s gun apparently has something that the 700-year-old Italian makes don’t come with. Reid’s gun had a mind of its own. And Reid doesn’t. The combination can be deadly.