The oak, the gun, and me

And you thought Congress wasn’t getting anything done.

Last week, the House of Representatives passed a bill declaring the oak tree the national tree.

Forget the assault weapons ban. Who needs it? Certainly not me, and certainly not the assault weapons.

Trees need to be regulated in this country, not guns. After all, last year I had a tree fall on my house, not a gun.

In fact, I can say with full confidence that I have never had a gun fall on my house. And believe it or not, the tree that fell on my house was an oak tree.

What does this mean?

Nothing! But it does make me feel better to know that it is the national tree.

But this national tree is not something the House took lightly.

In an online survey, the oak tree received more votes than any other tree. So the American people have spoken, and the government has given them what they want.

But what about the 60 percent of Americans who wanted the assault weapons ban? This got me thinking: shouldn’t Congress do something about it?

Then it hit me.

They should pass a bill declaring a national gun!

That would solve all of our problems. I mean, there already exists a national flower, a national anthem and a national emblem. Why not a national gun?

Better yet, the butt of the gun could be made out of wood from our very own national tree – the oak tree.

What better way to describe America than oak trees and guns?