Zodiac Cookies

Aries:

You’re smarter than you look, you can shove large amounts of material into your head in mere minutes, you can complete long worksheets in a single try, you’re CRAM MAN!

Taurus:

Make that effortless connection, call 1-800-IWANNA-PICKUP-ALOSER.

Gemini:

You have a flair for the dramatic, take a theater class.

Cancer:

Much like the ostrich, you like to stay hidden, but it’s a pretty day, so get your head out of the sand and live it up.

Leo:

If you find yourself crying your days away, cry into a cup and use your tears to season your food (hey you’re a college kid, can you really afford salt?).

Virgo:

You find yourself going along with the crowd lately, its time to push the crowd in a new direction.

Libra:

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Scorpio:

Your mastery of a foreign language past, present or future, will lead to your eventual fate.

Sagittarius:

The only true partner for a Sagittarius is a Scorpio, guess it’s back to the old “What’s your sign?” pick up line.

Capricorn:

You believe that everything needs fresh air, and this would explain why you never put the toilet seat down

Aquarius:

Your tendency to feel for the world is the reason the world loves you.

Pisces:

Count your losses; if you can’t do it on one hand, you need to make some recovery trips.

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