‘Kingdom Hearts,’ the wafting aromas of VCU and homecoming attire


What is it about the alliance between Disney and Square that has spawned
a 99 percent addiction rate among all exposed women?

Mike Stormo

The game in question, “Kingdom Hearts” is an unholy alliance. The
game matches the beautiful graphical beauty of SquareSoft (soon to be Square
Enix) and the most potent form of female submission, cute and cuddly Disney
When Pooh Bear and Bambi are involved, how can girls say no? They are rendered
completely defenseless and even the most passive and docile women will become
totally and inexplicably addicted to this marvel of gaming.
SquareSoft has done it. They have created a game to steal the female soul. They
have owned the souls of millions of males for years with “Final Fantasy”
(yes, all of them), “Chrono Trigger” and “Secret of Mana”
(and “Secret of Evermore”).
It was not until Disney provided the missing component that Square was able
to reach out and grab the attention and free time of girls everywhere.
Cute and cuddly characters, violence and the masterful storytelling and beautiful
cutscenes make for a great game.
If you are an avid (obsessed) gamer who revels in the worlds on “Final
Fantasy,” bring home “Kingdom Hearts” and play it with your
significant other. (Bob note: Yes, I realize I am taking a big risk assuming
you have a significant other.)
Play it with her and see if she does not succumb to its powers. I have personally
witnessed it overtake four different girls.
There is no stopping it!

This is where you come in…

Do you have your own “Kingdom Hearts” tale? Have you witnessed
the power it possesses over females? Email it to ctvcu@hotmail.com. Bob wants
to know!


What’s that smell outside VCU?


The smell… well, the smell varies depending on which part of VCU’s
lovely urban campus you meander upon.
If you are around the University Student Commons, the smells will be of work.
Yes, the scent wafting about in the air will be those from workmen drilling,
craning, torching and building things.
This will be mixed with the scent of food being prepared in the new All Too
Crowded Eating Closet TM that is now the only place to eat since there is no
more Chick-Fil-A.
(Let us take a moment to once again mourn the loss of the waffle fries.)
If you are near the Hibbs/Library/Gravel pit area, then you are trated to a
variety of smells.
Hibbs will emit a certain… food-like blob scent. Is it real food? Some of
it is, some of it actually is VCU brand Glop and just gets put into another
mold to make new and exciting dietary varieties.
The library will lure you in with pleasing coffee and pastry smells. The library
is not actually for working or reading. No, no! The library is your source for
Java 901, (motto: please do not call us a Starbucks or we will get into big,
big trouble), who proudly brews Starbucks brand coffee.
Now, some of you are scratching your heads thinking, Bob, how does a gravel
pit emit an odor?
Simple! The gravel pit wafts the aroma of neglect and unfulfilled duty. With
a sign that proudly states that construction will begin in Jan. of 2003, and
it already being Feb., the pit feels left out. Will construction ever start
on the lovely gravel field that has so festively adorned our campus these long

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Need a date for the homecoming dance?
Look no further! Celeste needs a date too! How would you like to accompany this
fine physical specimen to the homecoming dance? She’s a real beauty, isn’t
she? Blonde hair, blue eyes and a flawless complexion.
Interested? E-mail Bob to get her number at ctvcu@hotmail.com.

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