Stairwell of fortune

Dylan Hostetter, Opinions and Humor Editor

I have always been one to believe in fate, that everything is preordained. I also have a bit of an addictive personality. These are two parts of myself I never thought I would see collide — boy, did I not know what was coming.

About three months ago, one morning after class I took the empty stairwell as I always do — only this time something was waiting for me. Sitting on the windowsill was a lone fortune cookie.

I picked it up without much thought — mainly because I was hungry. I am known to eat stray things whenever I skip breakfast — one time I mistook a roll of change for a pack of Smarties and got through about $3 before I realized what I had done.

I cracked open the cookie and read the fortune: “You will have great good luck.” I did not expect much out of this fortune because good luck never really seemed to grace me. I once wore what I thought was a lucky pair of socks for a month straight, but all I got out of it was a mean case of athlete’s foot.

As I left the building, I crumpled the paper in my pocket and dashed across the street. At that moment I felt wind against my face and saw a gray blur flash before my eyes — I had narrowly missed being hit by a cyclist. 

It was really my fault — I never look before crossing the street — and the cyclist made sure I knew that in between a stream of curses. I was stopped in my tracks not because of my possible near-death experience, but because my fortune had come true. 

I was delighted the next morning to find another cookie. I had no clue where they were coming from or who was leaving them, but I was in no position to ask questions — I cracked it open. 

The fortune read: “You will have a pleasant surprise,” and what do you know, I received a B- on a test in my next class. This was surely a pleasant surprise, as this was only the second lecture I had attended all semester.

At this point I was hooked, I came back every day and without fail there would be a new cookie. Now, do not think that every fortune was good. The life of a gambler is not one of constant success — I had my fair share of bad fortunes.

For instance, one fortune read: “A letter of great importance may reach you any day now.” Seems ordinary enough right? Well, tell that to the giant ‘P’ that fell off the Panera Bread sign and landed just a few inches away from me, almost caving my head in. I now shiver every time I walk under signage.

Another fortune read: “A short stranger will soon enter your life with blessings to share.” That fortune manifested one night when I was walking across the park and passed a tiny old lady sitting on a bench. She asked me if I could kindly help her up from her seat. When I did, she said, “Bless you, sweet boy,” whipped out a switchblade and robbed me.

I was never disheartened by these bad fortunes, for I knew a good one was always around the corner. It was raining cookies and I did not want an umbrella. I felt unstoppable. 

That was until I pulled the most recent fortune. It read: “Each journey begins with a single step.” I was distracted, trying to foretell whether this fortune would be good or bad when the next thing I knew, my feet flew out from beneath me and I tumbled down three flights of stairs.

I’m lying here now, penning my story onto the scrap fortune paper that has been collecting in my pocket for the past three months, waiting for somebody to find me. Needless to say, I won’t be using this stairwell for some time — so hopefully somebody starts leaving these cookies in the elevator.