Turkey, mashed potatoes and educating your racist relatives

Every fourth Thursday in November, families and communities across the country gather together to share turkey, gravy, a plethora of desserts and a full serving of aggressive political discourse.

The Richmond chapter of Showing Up For Racial Justice (SuRJ) held a hybrid part-seminar-part-roleplay event at the Richmond Unitarian Universalist Congregation, to prepare Richmond residents to create relevant, helpful dialogue with potentially racist relatives at their dinner tables this holiday season.

Since its creation in 2009, SuRJ has worked across the country to create educated allies and break the silence surrounding racial justice in the United States. Through a growing network of organizations, SuRG organizes and educates white people to act for racial justice with “both passion and accountability.”

“By drawing our white families and communities in, we can educate them to take responsibility for racial justice and challenge the scapegoating of white people living in rural towns.” said SuRJ volunteer and event coordinator Alex Sparrow.

Sparrow said Thanksgiving is an opportunity to utilize personal connections to engage in deeper discussion.

“Our goal is to tap into the ‘moveable middle’ and find ways to move them towards a more racially just mindset, in this case, during Thanksgiving,” Sparrow said.

According to Sparrow, the moveable middle are those who “may not be neo-Nazis, but who aren’t actively showing up to advocate for racial justice.”

In identifying the moveable middle, SuRJ utilizes a “spectrum of allies” to represent the various mindsets that white people hold when talking about racial justice. From “active allies” on the left, “neutral” in the middle and “active opposition” on the right, the scale helps allies in visualizing where to begin the conversation with their relatives.

By educating active allies on how to have discussions with active opposition- as well as everyone in between – Sparrow said SuRJ aims to cultivate racial justice through a trickle-down model of education.

“We’re focused not just on educating active-opposition, but also those who may already consider themselves to be progressive,” said SuRJ volunteer and event coordinator Christina Carlotti Kolb. “We must ask the question of how to get someone from just putting on a safety pin for support to actually showing up and protesting and working for positive change.”

SuRJ has developed a variety of tips for engaging in conversation without attacking or ostracizing those who hold opposing or misconstrued opinions. From remembering to avoid complex jargon to avoiding stereotyping and shaming, SuRJ hopes to teach people to educate through creating a culture of mutual empathy, understanding and respect.

“Conversations with Trump supporters aren’t about winning or being right, they’re about changing hearts and minds,” volunteer Ted Lewis said.

Lewis said asking family questions like, “how can we want to build a wall when our ancestors themselves were immigrants?” can help put oppressors back into the shoes of the oppressed.

SuRJ further recommends avoiding overtly academic phrases when trying to educate people. Lewis said phrases like “white privilege” and “systemic oppression” probably won’t register with rural white families who have spent their lives living in poverty.

Instead, SuRJ encourages allies to step away from their social justice word bank and instead use metaphors to get their points across.

The Band-Aid anecdote is one tear-free way that the concept of white privilege can be introduced into conversation.

“When a white person goes to buy a Band-Aid, the trademark ‘flesh’ color will almost certainly match the color of their skin.” Lewis said. “When Band-Aid created their product, they had a certain flesh color in mind as the ‘norm.’ This doesn’t mean that Band-Aid was trying to be racist, but it does show that being white in this country comes with perks and privileges that will often times are unnoticed and underappreciated.”

By pointing out these privileges and facilitating authentic conversation, Lewis said SuRJ hopes to break through misconceptions about racism and power dynamics and replace them with a more nuanced understanding of racial dynamics in America.

“We are in a specific moment where the moveable middle is needed more now than ever before,” Lewis said. “So really push to try to have that uncomfortable moment. If it works and it goes well, then try it again with another person. And if it doesn’t go well, guess what – try it again with another person.

Lia Tabackman, Contributing Writer

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Carson McNamara is a senior in Communication Arts who loves contributing to narratives through Editorial Illustration. She drinks a lot of coffee and reads a lot of books for toddlers.
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