RACHEL’S MAILBOX with Rachel Weatherly

 Dear Rachel,

My boyfriend really wants me to move in with him but I hate sleeping in the same bed with someone. What should I do?

Amanda, 21

I can’t even bear the thought of bunk beds, so I certainly feel your pain! There’s nothing like sharing. It’s literally one of the worst things I can think of next to getting chased by a bear or being named Candi. Even worse than that he’s asking you to share a bed because that’s where you’re most vulnerable and, at least in the heat of the summertime, exposed.

This is truly a conflicting position to be in as he’s your boyfriend and you probably care about not hurting his feelings. If you didn’t care, that’d make things so much easier, but unfortunately you’re a good person and that means you’ll have to work on rectifying this situation. At least you have me to help you or you’d be seriously hopeless. I keep imagining what you’d do without my help and all I’m envisioning is a panic attack.

Here are some ways you can avoid sharing your bed and your feelings with your boyfriend:

• Don’t move in with him and bring a note from your doctor citing, “I am allergic to sharing” as your reason.

• Customize and buy a Japanese blow-up doll that can take your place in bed after he’s fallen asleep. He’ll never know you went to sleep on the couch in the basement!

• Adopt at least 12 cats and let them take over the bed.

• Once he’s tucked in bed, tell him the floor is lava, and it’s too late for you to reach the bed. Go sleep in another room.

• Let him share your bed for one night but act like you have incredibly violent nightmares. Keep a sword next to your bed and one night come dangerously close to slicing off his pinky toe. He might even break up with you! Bye-bye sharing!

• Two words: body cast. This way you can sleep next to him without suffering from cuddling or Vajazzling or whatever it is that people do when they share.

• Tell him you’ll buy him an Xbox instead.

I know that this is going to be a difficult issue to tackle as you’re so used to sleeping alone, but with these tips, it can be done. This way, you’ll be able to retain your happy and clearly functional romantic relationship. You guys can make it through this! Don’t let sharing Yoko your relationship.

Good luck!

Rachel