Soap Box: Thank you spammers, without you I would have a less amusing mailbox

I would like to thank the following spammers for making my life more irritating and ultimately amusing. Their blatant attempts to sell me things I’ll never use, need or want is astounding. They truly are the unsung heroes of the advertising world (and for good reason).

Thanks Candice j for helping me get a lower rate on the home loan for the home I do not possess.

Thanks Hillary U. for helping me find a home loan in less than 2 minutes, once more, for the home I simply do not have.

Thanks Tom for helping me to get that car loan in less than 2 minutes. He must work with Hillary U.

Thanks anna for telling me “if you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.” I’ll have you know the monkey lives in a room in the warmer wing of the Arctic Palace and is very content.

Thanks Susana for notifying me of the cancellation. Apparently, I was not canceled, but now I have been. That is good to know. Now I can sleep easier.

Thanks Julie for telling me to apply for a free vacation. I hope I win, I’ll expect to hear from you in the next 24 hours, or I’ll send the monkey after you. He handles complaints and free vacations here at the palace.

A special thank you goes out to Minerva Brockett, who is offering “No waiting – Find a slut today!” While I thank you Minerva for the thought, I have neither need nor desire.

Thanks Averett University for requesting that I upgrade my life. Funny, I thought I was doing just that at this fine institution.

Now here is one that bothers me. It seems that a certain “Bob” is trying to sell Coral Calcium. Do not trust this Bob. He is trying to lead you astray. If you have already purchased this Coral Calcium, please return it and get your money back. His full name is Bob Barefoot, how phony is that? I would not trust him, would you?