Public Service Announcements!

Bob’s Helpful Tip for Living # 462:

There are no roaches where there is no food. So, if you find yourself being accused of causing the roach problem in your apartment, then refer to this Helpful Tip for Living.

Considerate roaches get takeout! It’s true. A good roach will actually take your full box of pizza and carry it out of your apartment and move in across the hall, up the stairs or if they really feel ambitious, across town.

Remember kids, roaches can live through nuclear war. Get in with them now and you may learn their secrets, and you too can survive nuclear war.

Scanner Safety Tip # 427:

“When scanning your face, do not look directly into the light.”

This light, unlike the one you are supposed to walk into when you die, is dangerous. For that matter, so are most lights. When walking down the street at night, who walks into a light?

No one! That light is usually a car, GRTC bus or possibly an SUV capable of fitting everyone in your family on both sides, across seven generations.

Point being, the light is never a good thing. So, as a matter of self-preservation, do not walk into the light. Never walk into the light, any light. If you see a light, take off as fast as you can in the exact opposite direction. The light is up to no good. Much like the garlic. Don’t understand? Read the column to the right.

Evil Crane

What is this crane up to? While watching this hard working machine do its job recently, I was disconnected from the beloved Ramcam. What is this crane up to? Is it working alone, or does it have a “man inside” to coordinate the operation?

If you see this crane, or any other machines acting funny in any way, please alert me immediately! I do not trust this crane.