VCU vampires defend Hibbs Hall
Illustration by Raya Jones.
Natalie McEwan, Contributing Writer
I had originally planned to write an opinion piece regarding the outdated, windowless classrooms found across campus here at VCU. That was until the VCU vampire community expressed overwhelming support for the depressing classrooms found in buildings like Hibbs Hall.
Standing on the Compass the other day, my friends and I once again complained about the lack of outdoor access in many of our English classes. John Doeman, a human classmate, expressed health concerns over the state of the buildings.
“The fluorescent lights give me a headache,” Doeman said. “There are never any windows and there are way too many desks squished in there. It doesn’t feel suitable for learning.”
I agreed and went to scribble down his quote for use in my article. But before I could begin writing, a cloaked figure approached me and handed me an invitation to speak with the VCU Vampire Association, the VCUVA, after dusk in Hollywood Cemetery.
I approached the group of vampires that night. At any other time, I would have easily mistaken them for goth classmates — my mother was goth in the 1980s and an avid Anne Rice reader, so I’m not unfamiliar with the style.
President of the VCUVA, super-super-super-senior Count Hibbcula, offered a differing view to the commonly held beliefs about Hibbs Hall. While some students may find the dark classrooms sad, Hibbs Hall ensures he and his fellow English major vampires never have to miss a class.
“In many of the other majors I could only register for night classes,” Hibbcula said. “But as an English major many, many times over, I know I will never have to worry about seeing the sun during class.”
Other benefits of Hibbcula’s education include the ability to learn new languages and discuss books that have been on his reading list for centuries.
A student of VCU since its creation, Hibbcula strives to expand his knowledge within the darkened classrooms of Hibbs Hall. He also politely requested the financial aid center stop laughing at him whenever he tries to request a Senior Citizens Higher Education Program tuition waiver.
“They tell me there’s no way I am over sixty, then they ask for my skincare secrets,” Hibbcula said before suggesting I apply sunscreen daily.
The VCUVA also discussed their requests for more tasty, yet garlic-free food options from VCU Dine, and stated the ban on drinking the blood of human students left them famished throughout the day.
At the mention of human blood, they began to eye me suspiciously, so I took my leave from the cemetery.
At VCU, vampire students have found both a community and a building that can support their sunlight-free studies. As for the other monsters here on campus, from the star-athlete werewolves to the mummified history majors and the brainless zombies at VCU Dine, I will continue my search to find where they can most feel at home, and where they see the school is lacking.
Editor’s Note: The characters and events depicted in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
