Ride-or-die trope leaves women in the dust; it’s time we let it go
Illustration by Mikayla Lindsey
Breyana Stewart, Contributing Writer
“Down to ride to the very end, it’s me and my boyfriend,” Beyoncé belts on Jay-Z’s classic “03 Bonnie and Clyde.”
We’ve all heard — and likely used — the term “ride-or-die” at some point in our lives. It’s been continually depicted on our screens through music, television and film. Some may use it to describe their family, while others may crown their closest friends with the title. However, the expression is widely used when discussing romantic partners, particularly women.
Dictionary.com defines the phrase as “a colloquial expression of extreme loyalty to someone or something.”
A partner that is loyal to you no matter the circumstance or cost is something most people wouldn’t dare pass up. If you would’ve asked me a few years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance myself. However, as I’ve grown older and wiser, I’ve learned that the idea often leads to more harm than good.
Women who find themselves in a ride-or-die type of relationship are often left carrying the load and frequently end up with the short end of the stick. Male partners who crown their significant other with the title often use it to excuse their perverse behaviors and habits, such as cheating, lying and even physical abuse.
On the other hand, that same grace is usually not extended to their female counterparts. In fact, men have even stated that even if their partner forgives them for cheating, they would not do the same, according to The Good Men Project.
The one-sided trope forces women to settle for less than they deserve. It convinces women that the only way they are deserving of love is if they absolve themselves of their boundaries and allow their partners to mistreat them.
I vividly remember my most toxic relationship and the baggage that came with it. If he lied to me, I forgave him. If he was unfaithful, I blamed myself and forgave him. I did it all under the guise of unconditional love.
I believed that if I continued providing him with that unconditional love, then eventually he would treat me the way I deserved — but he never did.
We are taught that if love is conditional, then it isn’t real. The idea of unconditional love is pushed in order to absolve people of accountability, and it is frequently used to manipulate us into settling for things we often shouldn’t. The truth is that love should be conditional, and it should have boundaries.
Boundaries protect us from emotional trauma, and they teach us to value ourselves and our needs over another person. Relationships are a contract and should be treated as such. If the rules of said contract are broken, then it should be terminated.
Women are conditioned to believe that we must go through hell and back in our relationships in order to prove our loyalty, but that narrative is far from the truth. Women are deserving of healthy love from the start, and we shouldn’t have to prove that to anyone.
Love shouldn’t have to be taught, and we shouldn’t have to “raise” a healthy, suitable partner. It is time to cease the ride-or-die narrative and begin holding our partners accountable for their actions.
