Black male neglect of Black women needs to end
Illustration by Catherine Lee
Tagwa Shammet, Opinions Editor
Mammy. Jezebel. Sapphire. Matriarch. These are only a few of the detrimentally incorrect stereotypes against Black women.
Deserving. Adored. Understandable. Giving. These are only a few of the words that truly describe Black women.
We’ve heard so much about the patriarchy and racism Black women have to endure. Our intersectionality is undeniably painful and confusing. When white men disrespect us, it is expected. When white women neglect us, it is expected. But what do we do when Black men mistreat us?
On July 12, iconic female rapper Megan Thee Stallion was shot. The shooting, which took place in Hollywood, resulted in injuries to the rapper’s feet. Stallion is now fine, but for nearly a month, the only talk around the incident came from rumors and gossip. Nothing came from Megan Thee Stallion or her team until Aug. 20. On an Instagram Live, she identified rapper Tory Lanez as her shooter, saying “You shot me.”
Does it not disturb the Black male community to know they are aggressors against their own women? I’m not going to sit here and remind you that you have Black mothers, Black sisters, Black cousins and friends. I shouldn’t have to bring the conversation to your personal life for you to wake up.
You don’t need to know Megan Thee Stallion personally to be angered and disgusted by Lanez. You don’t need to know every Black girl and woman who has been assaulted to be frustrated. Your fury needs to be directed toward the injustice these Black women face on a constant basis.
Violence against women, regardless of color, is not a new topic of conversation. However, according to a 2017 study completed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Black women are disproportionately assaulted and abused in intimate partner violence.
Megan Thee Stallion is not a rare case. The Violence Policy Center, a non-profit advocacy organization, reported that Black women are twice as likely to be killed than women of other races. Black women are targets of the world — fighting off white men, Black men, white women and everything in between.
As a Black woman, I am well-aware of the dangers that come with my skin and gender. I am unprotected by any Black man that is not my family or a friend. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by Black men who care about me but that is not always the case. Time and time again, I have witnessed Black men brutalize, hypersexualize and blatantly disrespect Black women. The only men I get catcalled by are Black men. Every time I walk down Broad or Cary streets at night, I am terrified of the same men who should be protecting myself and fellow Black women.
The assault of Black women is an epidemic — but an avoidable one. The deaths of these women could have been avoided if they had been treated with the dignity and appreciation they deserved.
Many of you, specifically men, are reading this and thinking: “That’s sad, but what does that have to do with me?” Well, let me enlighten you. Remember how earlier I said that Black women are more likely to be killed than white women? According to an analysis from the Violence Policy Center, 92% of homicides against women are committed by people the victims know.
Don’t get me wrong, Black women are far from damsels in distress. They do not need protecting or coddling. They do need a break. We cannot fight the white patriarchy and white feminism, while trying to defend ourselves from men of our community.
Some of you might be thinking: “Well, I’d never do that to a Black woman.” News flash: knowing your homeboy is assaulting his girlfriend is just as bad as assaulting her yourself. Black men need to learn about something called accountability. If you see something that does not sit right with you, it is because it is simply not right. Hanging around and allowing these acts of violence to continue leaves that blood on your hands, too.
The tenacity of a Black woman is undeniable. She carries herself with an elegance and grace that nobody could ever match. She fights battles on all sides of her. However, everybody needs some support. The lack of such from Black men is disappointing to say the least. But, it’s okay. We’ve survived so far. We’ll make it through.
The relationship of black men and women has become more of an issue now, than in the past. Black men were taught in the past from their fathers and mothers, how to treat women, especially black women with respect. Unfortunately, these two parent families became quite unpopular and obsolete in the late 90s when more women decided to have babies out of wedlock with many different fathers in that chose not to be in the homes. Black men no longer respected or valued black women, due to the eagerness of black women to hang on to the men in their lives by any means necessary: drugs, prostitution, stripping, welfare, whatever it took to make the man in their lives at the time, stay. This group usually range from the ages of 15-40. The thought of being committed and married was no longer considered important. Due to this laxed in judgement for behavior has put the need to live any type of life that many feel makes them happy. However, we see now in this day and age, many black men and women are still very unhappy.
Wow, your statement on this subject matter is well placed and I overstand/agree with your perspectives.
It hurts my spirit as black woman who have accomplished so many positive qualities that life offers, only to be passed up by all of the black men that I dated because I would not let down my “Grace and Virtuous Qualities ‘ that were passed down to me by the Queens of all Women. As a girl born in the mid sixties I watched Black man including my father and others in my community beat on women that they claimed to love. I was confused and won’t understand. Yet, I watched those same women constantly accept those men back and back into their lives and homes.
Flip side, those black men that abused the women claimed they did so because a woman needs to stay in their place and their job is to cook, clean and have children. I really was confused now. So in short of the history together I decided at age 12 that I wanted nothing to do with any man. I developed a bad feeling for any women that tolerate such brutality, only to be told by both black women and men during the 70’s this is the way it is. However, I will always disagree
I mad a vow to God that i would change those theories in my life by not accepting such behaviors. I Told God that if any Boy/Man asked me into a relationship of any kind who didn’t respect their gramothers, mothers sisters, aunts, and women of their communities, would have a problem dating me.
All I ever wanted with any man is Respect, Love, devotion and Unconditional Love. THE GODLY LOVE.
Meaning, I don’t won’t a man to seek me because of my job, my car, my degrees, the house I live in or if the sex is good. I was hoping that men particular a black man would seek me because of the quality traits I present as the norm. I thought that the black men would respect me because i didn’t become a teenage mother, I did go to college, I did develop a good career, and I never presented myself as a Batgirl, willing to do whatever it takes to keep a man.
Instead, I get” you are a good women, any man should be proud to have you part of their lives; or what crazy black man let you go etc”..
Its like reverse psychology, filled with subliminal insults meaning, if I was that black woman who preforms any sex demands, buy them anything they want, do what they say at all times oh but let’s not forget the phrase ” you know we’re only friends in you’re not my women ” kind of black women then I’m a good catch. Confusing is what it all is.
On the other hand, I am left with a generation of black men from parents of the 40’s and 50’s who I belive see black relationships the way I saw it in the past, and they too are afraid,.and very intimated to devolpe a healthy relationship with a black women who are seeking the same because of the communication breakdown from history. Additionally, lots of black men from that Era seek relationships they feel they can control because of they feel black man in the past had little control of anything. I as a blackwoman, will not give up on black men and women who allow the past history traits to define our future relationships on all levels. Instead, I will continue to pray to God that we as people will overcome by empowing each to be righteous in our relationships, to have confidence in communicating devotional love and respect to one another in order to live life Abundantly because ‘LOVE never Fails”