OPINION: You don’t want someone who is obsessed with you

Alexia Holloway, Contributing Writer

The Netflix original show “You” received social media praise for its compelling yet funny nature. The show follows bookseller Joe Goldberg as he meets and then becomes obsessed with aspiring writer Guinevere, who goes by the nickname “Beck.”

Over the course of the first season, Joe kills Beck’s ex-boyfriend Benji and her best friend Peaches. He justifies the murders by saying Benji and Peaches posed harm to Beck’s personal and professional growth. In actuality, they served as roadblocks on Joe’s journey to a relationship with Beck.

There are plenty of articles online telling women how to make the men in their lives obsessed with them. In fact, when I hear some women describe their dream partner, they want a man who is “obsessed” with them and gets jealous whenever another man interacts with them. However, I am almost certain that nobody really wants the problems that come along with that type of man.

I used to think that I wanted someone who was obsessed with me until I saw what it was actually like. When I was walking to class one day, a guy came up to me and told me that my backpack was unzipped. After I told him “thank you” and began to go about my day, he asked for my Snapchat. Not thinking anything of it, I gave it to him.

He started to personally message me on the app. The messages started off innocent until he moved into asking me raunchy questions. I quickly told him I was not interested and we stopped talking.

Soon after, I noticed that I saw him literally everywhere on campus. While you could argue that he just had a similar schedule, he had no business being at the exact places as me. There were times I would walk into the lobby of my dorm and he would just be sitting there when he lived on the other side of campus. I would be coming back from my evening classes and he would be standing in the shadows somewhere along my route.

I knew things were off when I walked past him one day on my way to the library. When I sat down and got situated, he walked up behind me and started up a regular conversation as if he didn’t just follow me. 

After he walked off, I called one of my friends shaking and begging her to stay on the phone with me while I walked back to my dorm. I later found out that he was probably using my Snapchat to see my location.

Obsessive, predator-like men have been glamorized in movies like “Twilight” and “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I think that by “obsessed,” women just want someone who admires and adores them exclusively.

Merriam-Webster defines the word “obsession” as “a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.” Joe’s character is the complete embodiment of the word. He manipulates and changes things in Beck’s life with the sole purpose of making more room for himself.

“Everything I have done, I have done for you.” Joe tells Beck. While some of those decisions may have helped Beck’s writing, he took away her ability to make her own decisions and learn from her mistakes.

In the end, when Beck finds out about the disturbing things Joe has done, his fear of Beck leaving him drives Joe to kill her.

Nobody wants that jittery, shaky feeling that comes with fear. That’s not love. Having someone who is truly obsessed with you is frankly terrifying, because you have no idea what they are willing to do to maintain your presence in their lives. If more women were aware of what they mean when they claim they want a man who is “obsessed,” they would be much more careful with their words.