An Ode to Self Care

Is it ever acceptable for your “closest friends” to still talk to your ex-partner if they were friends with him beforehand?

Sure. It sucks a little, and your friends should be sensitive to your feelings. Unless you ex did something completely horrible, I don’t think it is quite your place to demand an end to prior friendships. I handle it the same way I handle friends who still hang out with people you used to be friends with that actually did something shady towards you: nothing, but it can speak volumes about that “friend.”

Within my squad we all really dislike our home-girl’s boyfriend. We don’t know what she sees in him and we worry that she is allowing herself to be held back by his foolishness in one of the best times of her life. How can we respectfully let her know what’s up?

Ugh, this is a sucky situation and I have been there many a time. You could try talking to your friend but depending on how into this guy she is that’s going to go one of two ways:

1) She actually listens to you and takes a step back and re-evaluate her relationship, I mean especially if this guy is causing a divide between the squad already.

2) She’ll pop off in some way and this whole effort just exacerbates things, either way, it’s abundantly clear that this guy is no good. I mean if she chooses him over the homies, you probably shouldn’t be messing with her anyway. She made her choice.

How do I deal with a manipulative woman who’s made it clear she wants to sleep with my man and doesn’t care that he’s dating me?

First and foremost, forget her. In all honestly, this is something that should be handled between you and your partner. Both of you should be secure enough in your relationship and as a couple to not be so easily affected by something like this. Address her if you feel is necessary but speaking from experience, that kind of thing can go south real fast.

I’ll always contend that any strong relationship is one that’s built on a foundation of trust and open lines of communication, which I find to be completely applicable here.

How do you process with losing people close to you in your life?

This process varies from person to person. Some people find it best to actively grieve, some people throw themselves into their work or a hobby, and others, others get stuck in between this vacuum of loss, and the unequivocal feeling that they will never be the same again.

Whether your grieving process is introverted or extroverted, here is something that has always worked for me: 24 hours. I always give myself 24 hours to be unabridged and unapologetic with myself as I sit face to face with my grief and emotion (unleash your anger, your tears, your apprehension). Then, I repurpose myself, adjust to life with the loss.

The day after everything will seem different the day after, and that is because everything is. But you have to come to terms with it, and more importantly you have to give yourself closure.

A lot of the times when we are ripped from those that we love there is not always a “because” or “why” in a situation and with that, you must intrinsically allow yourself to be freed, and allow yourself to love, be happy and grow again.

STAFF COLUMNIST

Shaun Jackson
Shaun is a senior studying psychology. He is a fashion columnist for INK Magazine and radio host for WVCW 102.9. Shaun is really silly and loves to read good books and bad people. He’s always “fashionably” late to the after-work hang-out sessions, but always shows up with the latest tea. Shaun is passionate about feminist hip-hop, pop culture and being the center of attention. His spirit animals are Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn from the DC Comics. You can usually find Shaun playing video games at the front desk of the SMC or next at Velocity Comics.
jacksonsk@commonwealthtimes.org