Rachel’s Mailbox

Hi, Rachel

What are your views on whether a man, if he is truly interested, will make the first move to ask out a woman? I feel everything tells us that if the man won’t make the first move then he’s just not that into it. Is this true for the majority of men or should I have been making the first move all along?

In the Dark

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In the Dark,

We’ve all had experiences with wondering whether or not that special person likes us or is really asking for your best friend’s phone number. Sometimes it’s so hard for me to differentiate between flirting and a guy being interested in my friends! But gauging interest makes for a tricky situation indeed.

I’ve always felt the need to sit back and wait for men to come to me and though it hasn’t worked yet, I am currently sitting in a Starbucks testing my theory.

Cultural influences die hard, and more often than not, they frustratingly stay alive, much like Lori on “The Walking Dead,” but I digress.

I feel as though society has duped us all into thinking that men get to decide on who to woo and it will never ever be the other way around. Whether they’re a traditionally minded gentleman or a falsely entitled lacrosse player, many men consider this outlook to be the gospel truth.

If you have gotten to know this man and he is cultured to act in this way, be honest with yourself, he’s just not that into you.

That said, don’t forget to account for another portion of the population: the scared and anxious. A man in this group might not notice you because he’s convinced that all women are out of his league or no woman would say yes if he asked her out.

In short, sometimes men are scared of women.

I’m guessing you’re a woman because that’s what you referred to yourself as in your letter, but as a lady you need to be honestly aware of your expectations.

If you take the initiative there will be no mixed messages and no texts to decipher late into the night with your friends. He will be up front with you, or too afraid to say no, and either way you might lose out.

On the other side, however, if you want to make the first move, do it! You could be a winner, but you have to put yourself out there first.

The guy you’re interested in could be appreciative of your honesty and find that sexy and want to date and eventually marry you—it could happen! I sure wish it would!

If your empowered stance scares him off then I doubt you’d want him anyways. He probably would be inept to protect you against a zombie or a mouse or your emotional problems as you ride the crimson wave.

Whether you’re a man or woman, it’s hard to be vulnerable with the person you’ve had weird dreams about, but it can be done. Ask him first or wait it out, but do what you feel is right.

Godspeed,

Rachel