Rachel’s Mailbox: Sept. 20, 2012

Dear Rachel,

I have a roommate who is displaying signs of passive-aggression. She frequently places my dirty dishes on my bed while I’m in class and leaves me notes to clean the fridge. I know I need to do these things, I don’t like living in a pigsty, but how do I make her be forthcoming with her emotions instead of leaving me notes?
Sticky Note Nightmare

Sticky Note Nightmare,

There’s nothing like being passive- aggressive. It’s a thrilling game of hate and secrecy and it makes me feel like I’m in an episode of “Gossip Girl.”

But let’s be real with each other, you aren’t Blair and your roommate isn’t Serena. There’s no way either of you are that gorgeous or sickeningly wealthy.

You didn’t provide me with how long she’s been acting like this, so I’m going to assume she’s either a) always been this way b) she’s afraid to confront you or c) she thinks she’s in an episode of “Gossip Girl.”

Therapy can fix all three of these problems, but until you’re comfortable enough to tell her to book an appointment, here are some tips to get you on the path to pure roommate aggression:

+ Ask her to be aggressive, straight up. Hold a monthly “Scream-Off” where you get to unleash your pent-up angst at each other.

+ Walk into her room while she’s there, pick up her cellphone and break it over your knee. If that doesn’t make her crazy-mad at you, I’m at a loss.

+ Invite her to an “I’m Going to Change You” workshop. Tell her your goal for the year is to change her into the person you want her to be.

+ Try setting boundaries with her– literal boundaries throughout your house on where she can and cannot go. Wooden planks or a concrete pour will work the best.

+ Set the Post-it notes on fire in front of her. This will scare her. You two may never talk again.

+ Do your dishes so she doesn’t feel like she has to put them on your bed to get your attention.

There’s a realistic way to answer this, and sadly for you, it’s probably the last option. To see other possibilities, give this problem a good long pondering. If it were me, I’d ask myself the following: Is there really nothing I can do? Is she beyond fixing? Is she as hopeless as my dating opportunities?

If you’re duly convinced it’s not, give the other options a good hard look and determine just how drastic a move you’re going to have to make. It’s you or her; don’t ever negotiate with terrorists.

Sincerely,
Rachel