Reality Check with Sadie Zarkin

Dear Sadie Zarkin,

College is hard! Got questions? She’s got answers. E-mail Sadie Zarkin at ctadvice@gmail.com.

My ex-girlfriend and I have remained on friendly terms after our breakup, but lately our relationship has taken a turn for the awkward as she apparently loses all grip on reality.

For the purposes of this cry for help, let’s call her “Sandy.”

She calls me specifically when she knows I am at school or at work, and then becomes hostile when I tell her I can’t talk. Despite my apparently being one of the only human souls who can tolerate listening to Sandy speak, she’s repeatedly gone on tirades describing me as “a terrible friend” or “just awful … really just the worst.”

Probably the most pressing issue is her habit of texting me at length about each of her new romantic interests. She texts me about their sex; she’s also at least once texted me about their sexting. Most recently she made it a point to describe her current catch as “the best boyfriend (she’s) ever had … like, by a long shot.”

I still care about Sandy, but how am I supposed to respond to this? How does she not understand how unwelcome and unappealing her behavior and general person have become?

– Unconfident Confidante

Dear Unconfident,

I would first like to point out that using the word “sexting” outside of “The Early Show” is never OK.

Secondly, it is my considered and expert opinion that you should never speak to, lay eyes on, or exist in the same area code as “Sandy” ever, ever again. I’ve prepared a brief list of reasons that this is a necessity to your mental health:

1. She’s a terrible person. Literally nothing you’ve said about “Sandy” in your letter has led me to believe she’s remotely as pleasant as her name implies.

2. She’s leeching the blood of your kindness. Clearly, having found in you a human being who will put up with her awfulness, she’s decided to scarf down as much of your kindness as possible before throwing it up in your face.

3. You deserve better! All the hours you’ve spent reading about “Sandy’s” sext-capades could easily have been spent with someone who actually likes you or perhaps learning the oboe or carving small wooden toys for orphans.

“Sandy” is not remotely improving your life – socially, intellectually, physically, emotionally, academically, environmentally, legally, scientifically, nutritionally, economically, astrologically or otherwise.

As such, now is the time to toss her like yesterday’s salad.

Yours truly,

Sadie Zarkin