Reality Check with Sadie Zarkin
Dear Sadie Zarkin,
I have been seeing this guy for about two months now. The love between us is like nothing I have ever experienced.
We always have so much fun together, and he’s said I am “his everything,” and that “without me he would have no reason for being.” What’s more, we’ve done things with each other that would send Dr. Ruth into hot flashes.
The problem with this setup – he insists on keeping us a secret from everyone.
When he sees me at school or work he will stand there and pretend like the things we did the night before never even happened.
The bigger problem is that he keeps insisting to everyone, including himself, that he’s straight, which is just more comical than anything.
How can I get this guy to man up and tell people about me?
– Dirty Little Secret
Secret,
While it is a terrible thing to not be able to publicly express your feelings for someone, this issue is clearly more about your man that it is about you. If he is not ready to admit to the world (or even himself) that he has feelings for another guy, there really is not much you can do about that.
While you may be able to give him some insight into how best to come to terms with his sexuality, he has to be ready to accept that, and on his own time.
Ultimately though, since you are clearly unhappy being in a secret relationship, I think you need to end it, at least as long as it remains under these veiled circumstances.
