VCU football shuts out Virginia Tech

In a historic upset, VCU’s
football team demolished Virginia
Tech 3,893 to 0. The ESPN-covered
event showed the complete
destruction of Virginia Tech.

Thanks to the efforts of VCU
student Jibran Muhammad, VCU
acquired a football team. The
once ironic “VCU Football: Still
Undefeated” sweatshirts have
retained their purpose, as VCU has
a 67-0 record this season.

“I’ve never seen anything like
it. It (the season) seems like a
dream,” said VCU student and
fictional football analyst Charlie
Calvert.

At halftime in the game with
Tech, the score was only 1,112 to
0, but in the later half of the game,
VCU kicked it up a notch.

“G-damn,” said one VCU student.

“Our victory was due to our
infallibility,” associate sports
editor Matt Doyon of The Commonwealth
Times said.