I Love Bush

George Walker Bush is the greatest
president ever. His handling of the war
on terror has been absolutely amazing,
and future presidents likely will emulate
his brand of cowboy diplomacy.

World opinion of the United States
might have waned in the past seven
years, but that doesn’t impact America
much. Geneva codes and United Nations
sanctions are really just suggestions
anyway. Our goal in Iraq to find weapons
of mass destruction. I mean to kill
Saddam Hussein. I mean to liberate
the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people
while we demolish their individual
freedoms/houses. has been an absolute
success. So far, in Iraq, we have liberated
more than 80,000 civilians to death.
We’ve saved them from a dictatorship
by forcing them into a democracy.

The armed forces don’t mind shouldering
this burden, and their families
shouldn’t either. They realize their
purpose is not just to protect American
interests, but to nation-build in areas of
the world we had no right to ever go to
in the first place.

As far as Guantanamo Bay and Abu
Ghraib are concerned, it isn’t as if these
people being blindly captured and tortured
for no good reason are Americans.
I’m sure this is exactly the type of stain
on the American flag that our founding
fathers would have wanted us to have.
The U.S. has the right to capture and
torture innocent people, because we
were attacked. We lost more than 3,000
people on 9/11, and that gives us the
right to do whatever we want, wherever
we want.

Illegal wiretaps, unreasonable searches
and the destruction of the writ of habeas
corpus are just minor things we will have
to deal with in this new age of terror.

The way Bush dealt with the damage
caused by Hurricane Katrina was
exemplary. Bush (like Pat Robertson)
realized what happened in New Orleans
was a direct reaction from God himself
to a gay-pride parade that took place
in the French Quarter. God finally had
enough, and that is why it took so long
for the Federal Emergency Management
Agency to respond. FEMA didn’t want
to incur any further backlash from God’s
obvious choice.

Many were fooled at first by Bush’s
plain way of speaking. At first, I too
thought Bush just was trying to pander
to the common blue-collar NASCAR
fan in all of us. I now realize the way
Bush speaks is actually his way of
getting around having to explain all of
his intense logic and thought processes
when questioned. He pretends to act like
a Cro-Magnon ape-man to get around
explaining himself.

Many have likened Bush’s presidency
to Abraham Lincoln’s. An unpopular
president fighting an unpopular war
seems oddly familiar. History will serve
Bush the same justice as Lincoln. People
will give Bush the same treatment – erecting
a monument of him, putting him on
the $5 bill, naming a car after him, etc.
It also probably will be revealed later he
was homosexual and bi-polar.

There is a purpose to this rant on
King George-I think he should pull
an Franklin Delano Roosevelt and run
for a third term. Technically, he’s only
been elected once-and even then, it
isn’t as though Bush has much regard
for the Constitution. Perhaps that is not
enough. Perhaps we should just make
Bush Dictator-In-Chief for all eternity.
The man is immortal after all. Come on,
America. Let’s do the right thing this
November. Mission Accomplished.