DVD REVIEW

Some movies make audiences feel smart.

For instance, what makes supernatural thriller “The Sixth Sense” great is the moment the viewer foresees its famous plot twist.

Other movies, however, might make audiences
feel much, much dumber for having paid hard-earned cash to watch them. The latest addition to this category is “Transformers,”
director Michael Bay’s live-action remake of the children’s cartoon of the same name.

Bay’s “Transformers” exchanges most of the fun of the original cartoon for a stupid, poorly conceived story and lame dialogue spoken by unimaginative, one-note characters.

The film’s paper-thin plot focuses mostly on actor Shia LaBeouf, who plays Sam, a lovesick teenager whose grandfather’s eyeglasses are the key to saving the world. When LaBeouf’s character buys a used convertible to impress a girl, he discovers the car is actually an alien robot, an Autobot, sent to Earth to protect humans from evil robots, the Decepticons.

The Autobots and Decepticons can convert at will from large, walking humanoids hundreds
of feet tall to cars, planes, tanks and even stereos. The Decepticons aim to find a mystical robotic cube, which can turn harmless
home appliances into evil transformers.

Thrown into the story are ridiculous scenes, such as the scene in which Sam brings the band of Autobots to the backyard of his family’s house. As he rifles through the contents
of his bedroom, desperately trying to find his grandfather’s mystical glasses for the Autobots, his parents burst into the room, and his mother accuses him of masturbating.

Yes, it’s as stupid onscreen as it reads on paper.

LaBeouf’s performance is basically a bad Jimmy Stewart impression. For those unfamiliar
with old-school movie stars, this means lots of stuttering, awkwardness and overacting.
To be fair to LaBeouf, though, he isn’t given decent lines, anyway.

But, as much as “Transformers” lacks a decent script or acting, the movie does look good. The film’s cutting-edge action set pieces and pitch-perfect sound and picture quality are undeniable. During the final battle between the good and evil robots, Bay’s camera techniques and the detail given to the robots’ changing structures are impressive. Yet, with a limitless budget and producer Steven Spielberg, decent special effects are to be expected.

Plus, there is little value in renting the “Transformers” DVD merely for its special effects, which are only 13 inches tall on a typical television screen anyway. “Transformers”
enthusiasts might be better off watching head transformer Megatron on a Saturday morning “Transformer” cartoon than renting this painful exercise.

Or, if those snazzy television ads for the new DVD make the film a touch too irresistible
to ignore on the video-store rental shelf, at least plan on creating a drinking game to help pass the time. (Every time LaBeouf runs in fear, drink. Every time a transformer changes shape, drink. Every time a cheesy line makes you want to switch the channel and/or barf, drink . )

Grade: D