Two can play at this game, O.J.

I’m no acquitted double-murderer. I’m no 11,236-yard career rusher. What I am, however, is capable of a “If I Did It” like retrospective.

For those that don’t already know, the rest of the world discovered last week that O.J. Simpson wrote a book in which an entire chapter was devoted to how he would have killed his ex-wife and her lover had he actually been the guy that killed the ex-wife and lover.

Say for speculation’s sake that Simpson actually didn’t kill anyone. And please don’t tell me he didn’t. Don’t be dumb.

Anyway, let’s just say he didn’t do a what it is he actually did. Why oh why on earth would he ever write anything even hinting he did? And if for some reason he had a burning desire to write, and if that desire involved a double murder, why not be classy about it and write it in the context of a Nancy Drew mystery? What are you thinking O.J. Simpson?

I’ll tell you what he’s thinking. He’s a media (attention seeker) that’s been hidden from view too long. He’s sick. A (bag used for rinsing female bits). Can I say (bag used for rinsing female bits) in this fine publication? Actually, the answer is no. The editors made me use euphemisms.

So now that we’ve established that – as if it hadn’t all ready been established by now – I’d like to contemplate a bit on the what-ifs in my own life. Below is an excerpt of my book, my pi