DaVinci dud – who cares?

On Tuesday, “The Da Vinci Code” will hit stores on DVD, and this best-seller-turned-movie-turned-video-game will finally be available to own. I can only hope the release will mark the end of this horrible fad.

“The Da Vinci Code” has raised both ire and wonder at its fictional (yes, you heard me, fictional) manipulation of the works of Leonardo Da Vinci; the story tells of a group of people driven to uncover the secret of the life of Christ as its truth lies in the controversy of the artist’s pieces. Of course, this would not be complete without a secret zealot faction of the Catholic faith hell-bent on keeping things under wraps.

Now, we won’t even touch on the utter stretch that is 90 percent of the arguments behind this plot. And we won’t go into how it really shows how little respect the world has for the Catholic faith. After all, draw a cartoon with Muhammed in it, and you risk a war. Defend an entire religion that just as many people hold sacred, and you’re seen as just another right-wing, close-minded person looking for an argument.

No, we won’t go into those aspects. Instead, let’s just look at the movie as it is: a lengthy, uneventful, anticlimactic reason to make a few more dollars off a book that just happened to stay on the New York Times best-seller list a bit too long.

Indeed, the movie totes a lot of big names. Well-known actors like Tom Hanks and Ian McKellen are sprinkled in amongst other esteemed folks of flavor such as Jean Reno and Paul Bettany. The characters, generally speaking, were flat and lacked any sort of real personality or human qualities. Hanks, who usually brings life and vivacity to his roles, is bland and tepid at best. Even McKellen’s role as the fanatic Da Vinci-ite adds only a bit more movement to a story that drags.

At points, you have to give the movie an A for effort. The standard who’s-who mystery, backstabbing of friends and mix-and-match puzzle pieces try to keep the audience’s attention, and it’s not quite boring enough to put one to sleep. When the antique solution that holds the final piece of the enigma is thrown into the air, I’ll admit, my breath caught waiting to see how predictable it would be. Safe to say, I was not disappointed, and everything happened just as I thought.

The Bettany’s self-flagellation scene was probably the best part of the movie. Unfortunately, that was within the first 10 minutes.

As for the other 139 minutes? Don’t expect anything particularly worth writing home about.