A question of race

Stephany Alva and her boyfriend, Justin Hedrick, sat side-by-side, her hand lightly resting on his knee. During a recent brown bag luncheon for interracial couples, this couple of six years told their stories of stares, rude comments and misunderstandings.

“We see it every day,” Alva said. “And no one really says anything.”

Alva identifies herself as Hispanic, and Hedrick is white. She said because of their racial differences they sometimes have to defend their relationship to others.

Alva and Hedrick were among the 10 students at the session sponsored by the Office of Multicultural Student Affairs. The program, slotted to be one hour, ran overtime, as students from diverse backgrounds and ethnicities shared their feelings about interracial dating. Most in the room have experienced an interracial relationship at some point in their lives, or they are currently in one. Whether single or taken, the people in the room had a lot to say. The room never suffered from silence.

Facilitator Leslie Stork, a junior public relations major and student worker for OMSA, asked how different races are perceived and how perception affects relationships.

Alva said for a white male to date an ethnic woman “is an upgrade” for the male. People automatically assume, however, she – as an ethnic woman dating a white male – is not proud of her culture.

“If an ethnic woman dates outside of her race, it’s like, ‘What are you doing with them? We’re not good enough for you?'” she said. “It kind of isolates you and kind of makes you feel like you forgot who you are, like I lost my roots.”

Alva said the comments and pressures do not stop her from loving her boyfriend. It is just something they have learned to deal with.

Sheri Trice, a senior mass communications major, said she thinks racial stereotypes are formed by the way people are raised.

When Trice began dating white men, her family did not mind. Then she noticed her boyfriend saying, ” ‘Oh, I don’t know if you can be here when my grandmother’s here’ ” and ” ‘My parents didn’t say anything, but I don’t know if they like it.’ ”

It was then she realized not all families embraced interracial dating.

“They always see the stereotype. It’s never about the caliber of my character,” she said. She said black women are seen as feisty, dominant and in-your-face. She said she is not naturally like that at all, but she is still faced with those stereotypes.

“It is like I’m always fighting to prove myself,” she said. “It’s very tiring.”

Hedrick said he faced a stereotype as a white male as well. He said Alva’s father assumed he was educated and rich when they met, but he assumed incorrectly.

At the time he met Alva, his life was headed down the wrong track, he said.

“It’s funny that he saw this stereotype, and I was nothing like that,” he said. “It was his daughter that made me want to do something with my life.”

Kiffy Johnson, a senior double majoring in women’s studies and sociology, said stereotypes were noticeable in her family when her older sisters brought home black men. Johnson, who is white, said they had “to fight” to date them.

“The ‘n-bomb’ was dropped,” she said. “Their ‘n-bomb’ lover.”

Johnson said after her sisters fought to date outside of their race, she dated an Indian man, and her parents had no problem with it.

Hedrick agreed and said family instills values in children whether the children like it or not. While the family may not be outwardly disapproving of the relationship, he said, you can still feel something is not right.

“An awkwardness is there,” he said. “It’s not obvious, but you can feel it.”

Hedrick and Alva said they had to get over that and instill trust in their relationship.

Julliet Coates, a junior business major, said she thinks older generations struggle with racial mixing, but the younger generations have the power to change that.

“Our generation now, most of us don’t base on color,” she said. “I think it slowly branches out.”

Aside from generations, Hedrick said – and most of the group agreed – that interracial dating is most acceptable in urban areas and among educated people.

“It seems educated people tend to have less racism or less ignorant views,” he said.

Whether it is stereotypes, family members, friends or education, society is still dealing with accepting interracial couples.

“You get the look,” Hedrick said. “And you know what the look is.”

Hedrick loves his girlfriend and has for six years.

But he said of the degrading attitudes toward his relationship:

“It still hurts.”