Nine Rounds with the Sports Guys: Allen vs. Webb
The sports section was sitting around the other day talking about the sort of things guys talk about when they sit around and talk. We got to discussing the imminent Senate election and decided to compare the sterling collegiate athletic careers of Sen. George Allen and Jim Webb.
The sports section was sitting around the other day talking about the sort of things guys talk about when they sit around and talk. We got to discussing the imminent Senate election and decided to compare the sterling collegiate athletic careers of Sen. George Allen and Jim Webb. Well, to be honest, there’s not much to go on. So we expanded the contest. This is their story:
| Allen | Webb | Result | |
| College Experience | U.Va. Law | Georgetown Law | Tie |
| Athletic Career | U.Va. quarterback | Boxer, wannabe prize fighter | Allen |
| Athletic Distinction | Lousy | Did you see his pecs? | Webb |
| College Distinction | Supported war in Vietnam by taking college deferment to avoid it. | Observed grenade landing near a comrade then simultaneously fired at the enemy and shoved the marine out of danger by shielding him from the blast with his own body. | Webb |
| Youthful Pastime | Hunting Deer. Sticking (allegedly) a bloody deer head in mailbox belonging to black family. | Hunting Charlie in ‘Nam. Sticking Navy Cross, Silver Star, Bronze Star (x2), Purple Heart (x2) on his bloody uniform. | Webb |
| Hobbies | Pointing fingers | Writing erotic novels | For the effot: Allen |
| Family Heritage | Italian, German. Not Jewish: “I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops.” Uh, George, your grandparents are Jewish: “I embrace and take great pride in every aspect of my diverse heritage.” | Scots-Irish – which explains his slightly pinkish T-zone region. | Who cares: Tie |
| Feelings on Diversity | Macaca what? | Horny women in the Navy? | We like the latter: Webb |
| Reagan Praise | Allen who? | “James’ gallantry as a Marine officer in Vietnam won him the Navy Cross and other decorations.” | Webb |
Winner: Webb
So, provided that Virginians vote based on this survey, Webb wins 5-2-2, though Allen put up an admirable effort.