For Christ’s sake, people!

I went to the Ukrop’s parade Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed it. The giant balloons were delightful, the marching bands were fun and the whole spectacle ended with a wonderful Santa.

I have one major criticism with the parade though – the big glittering cross and Bible.

I know the parade had a Christian theme. From the Nativity scenes to the float with the gay, Jewish abortion doctor burning on a stake, I had a feeling that this was a Christian shindig. And since this was sponsored by the “grocery store o’ Bible-thumpers,” I was neither surprised nor offended.

Yet the giant glittering Bible and cross really bothered me. It was tasteless. What Christian had the poor judgment to promote their faith with spangles?

It’s like stage moms who dress their 6-year-old daughters like hookers – it cheapens something that should be sacred and loved. Hey, maybe next year there will be a float with young beauty-pageant Jesus lying strangled in a basement while God sits next to him shifting his eyes nervously.

But I digress. The point is that Christians have to have more reverence for their religion. I don’t mean they should be more obsessed or louder about it (if that were possible). What I’m calling for is an end of tasteless uses of holy objects.

It’s not just the Liberace float-of-Christianity that I am referring to. I also have issues with diamond-studded crucifixes, huge Virgen de Guadalupe pictures sprawled on every possible surface and bleeding Jesus holograms (yes, those actually exist). Then there are Christian-influenced stores that sell little sugary-sweet figurines and toys that pray or read Bibles.

Look, fellow Christians – we believe Jesus is a third of the trinity, only son of God and mankind’s only salvation. I think he and his religion should have deeper and more dignified symbols than a Beanie Baby that is praying and a ridiculously stupid-looking “Precious Moments” figurine that reads a ceramic copy of the scriptures.

There’s a reason why we don’t see neon Stars of David and plastic star and crescent refrigerator magnets. It’s because the other religions seem to know better. They understand that God is for worshipping and that bright, shiny, non-biodegradable, factory-manufactured goods are for party favors.

So if all Christians could stop tainting my religion with gaudy splendor, I’d appreciate it. Remember, “devotion” does not mean “fabulous”; it’s much more of a spiritual thing. And my spirit really shouldn’t have to throw up a little every time other Christians turn devotion into memorabilia, should it?

Lisa Chun may be reached at bureacrat85@yahoo.com