You can’t always get what you want, but…

There are two things that naturally annoy me: show choirs and Oprah. To make it worse, I now wish I liked Oprah.

I’d go as far as to say I wish I had attended a taping of Oprah’s show on the start of her 19th season because during this taping she gave away 276 brand new cars.

Let me say that again: Oprah gave away 276 new cars for free. The last thing I was given for free was the VCU Resource Guide when I attended the STAR program for new students.

Don’t get me wrong – the thing is really useful. Someday I might want to look up something about “The Right to Appropriate Use of University Premises in the Pursuit of Educational Goals, Occupational Endeavors, and Recreational Activities.”

I also might want to stick a pencil in my eye.

It’s not that I’m jealous, even though I am. It’s more that God has once again played a practical joke on the world, like last April when Jennifer Lopez’s mother, Guadalupe Lopez (or as I call her, G. Lo.) won $2.4 million from a slot machine.

Does this not blow your mind? When I first heard this I was in my car and I had to pull over because I knew if I kept driving I would crash my car – on purpose. But when I thought about it I said wait, wait. WAIT.

Maybe Jennifer Lopez and her family actually need the money after her huge summer blockbuster hit, “Gigli.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Gigli” jokes are old and no one finds them funny anymore. That may be true, but I still find them completely hysterical. Just the name “Gigli” makes me burst into laughter.

In closing, I suppose it’s not totally unfair. The people that won the car did have to sit through an entire episode of Oprah’s show, and Jennifer Lopez’s mother does have a daughter who was in the movie “Gigli.”

In the end, I guess, it all cancels itself out.