Soap Box

Like millions of others, you probably have no idea that Peeps are out for world domination.

You would never suspect those little fluffy marshmallowy chickens could be so evil.

It’s true. They even have a mobile headquarters, a bus. The Peeps Bus! This is where the evil sweets are staging their attack on the United States. Their plan, obviously, is to sign a pact with Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Together, the Peep army, led by Stay-Puft, who will provide reconnaissance for the fighters, will march into battle.

Their first target is Richmond. As recently as this week, the Peeps Bus was spotted patrolling the area, looking for ideal place to stage the attack.

If you see this bus, you are advised to keep your distance and report it immediately to the Peep Control Agency. Do not try to confront the Peeps yourself. Even with the assistance of large dogs and trained fighting parrots, this is simply suicide.

The PCA is the only fighting unit ever assembled that is trained in the art of marshmallow warfare. This type of sticky combat is very different because most conventional weapons do not harm Peeps.

In the event you are accosted by a small Peep unit, your only possible means of defense is to wrap yourself in plastic and duct tape. No Peep ever has made it through duct tape. They fear the adhesives used.

The Peeps are known to attack in a manner similar to piranhas. Once they begin, there is no hope for you. Just say your prayers and be eaten.

So please, beware the Peeps and if you see a giant walking marshmallow with a little cap, leave town.