Soap Box

Recently, the color coded warning system was increased from yellow (the bananas are loaded) to orange (signifying a citrusy and fragrant doom). The media also encouraged the general public to run out and buy massive quantities of duct tape and plastic to protect themselves from the impending fruity terrorist doom.

First, I would like to point something out, a major flaw in this plan. OK, so you have Saran Wrapped your house, and the terrorists attack and it keeps the biological chemicals out. If this is tight enough to keep microscopic germs out, then it will also keep the air out. What is your plan after you run out of breathable air? Are you planning to duct tape a few plants in your house with you? Perhaps you better add some oxygen tanks to your list of terrorist attack supplies.

Now that you have suffocated yourself, but remain safe from terrorists (unless they have guns or bombs or something that will tear your plastic and tape). Now what? This entire plan seems insane to me.

I think this entire plan is a conspiracy led by the company formerly known as Manco, the makers of Duck brand duct tape. Are duct tape sales down you ask? Not anymore.

We have sucessfully given the duct tape industry the boost it needed. Hardware stores were selling duct tape faster than they could order it and I am sure Wal-Mart had more plastic bags taken after the sheets of plastic ran out.

How often does duct tape get used to prevent terrorist activities? Does this sound completely ridiculous to anyone else? This has to be a plot by the duct tape community, yes there is a community, to sell more duct tape.

For more information, I would point you to The Red Green Show (slap a dotcom on the end and you get the Web site). Also, Jim and Tim the duct tape guys could offer some valuable insight as well. Finally, John Cleese should be sought simply because he is John Cleese.