Soap Box: An open letter to spammers

Just for the record…

Dear spammers,

I do not need my breasts enlarged, my home mortgage refinanced or my sex life increased.

Nor do I need to get out of debt, need an escort or want my “free prize,” where all I have to do to claim it is “click here on the secret spot.”

Furthermore, I do not wish to have a gold, silver, bronze, mercury or any other metal you can dream up unsecured, secured or tied down by big burly men credit cards!

I will not invent today! I will not send money to you, in Africa, with the promise of seeing it back tenfold weeks later.

I will not throw my money away on expensive life insurance (and I will surely not buy it from your spam letters either).

I do not want a Vermont teddy bear, there are plenty of excellent teddy bears right here in Virginia.

I am not single. I do not need the singles connection. Nor do I need a hooker, stripper, escort, man, woman or person who just wants some love this Valentine’s Day.

I will not reply to be “taken off your mailing lists.” I will not reply to your offers to get me out of debt with misspelled words in the subject line, especially when “drowning” is spelled “erowning.”

I will not buy your ink refills that damage the print heads. I will not take you up on your offer for Viagra.

I will not answer your pleas for me to take advantage of your free offers, great deals, offerings of money or your claims to make me rich in mere days.

I will not fall into your not-so-clever traps, bargains or offers.

I will not buy your goods. I will not.

And neither should you.

Sincerely,

Bob