Phanton video game, Ram camless MCV and an ode to soap boxes
Bob tackles the weighty issues of elusive video games, the lack of Ram cams at the MCV campus and the ever-growing threat of Canadian invasion.
Bob,
OK, so if “Devil May Cry 2” has a release date of Jan. 28, you’d expect to be able to go to the store and buy it that day, right?
It says on the backs of three of my video game magazines that is it available Jan. 28, but when I go to the store, I am told I am unable to purchase the game until Jan. 29, and that is only if I reserve it.
Aversion to you
My dear Aversion, you would think this would be the case; releasing games on the date it claims to be released to the general public. However, there is a darker force at work here…
You see, “Devil May Cry 2,” was never actually completed. The developers kept telling their bosses the game was coming along nicely. This was to avoid being fired.
In fact, there is no “Devil May Cry 2.” There is only the original.
Do not buy the sequel, it is actually a remake of “Bubble Bobble” and “Frogger,” with cooler-looking characters and more guns.
Do not be fooled by this game. It is trying to masquerade itself as an actual playable title, when in fact it is merely a mirage.
“Devil May Cry,” while being an excellent game in its original form, will never be duplicated, since all of the stars of the game were tragically killed in a hard drive crash in late 2002.
This information has not been available until now. However, with the help of a secret agent known only as “Earl,” I have been able to confirm this startling discovery.
So, unfortunately, there will be no sequel. No release date will ever be correct.
The gaming store where you are trying to procure the game does not even have the game. They are just going along with the story… until tomorrow.
No one will be allowed to purchase the game and it will be mysteriously recalled for “improvements and patches,” where it will be held until Feb. 14, then taken to New Mexico and buried in the desert.
There will be no gaming. Only waiting in anticipation.
Bob,
Why are there no Ram cams on the VCU’s MCV Campus?
Electrokitty
Electrokitty, there are no Ram cams on the campus that is nearer downtown than us because they lack Rams.
This campus, MCV, MCVH, Medical College of Virginia Hospitals or whatever name you choose quite simply lacks Rams.
You see, the Ram cams were installed to keep out the Rams that roam the Richmond countryside and eat small mammals, birds and the occasional college student.
The Ram cams are doing a stupendous job! Have you ever seen a single Ram roaming the campus, with the exception of Rodney?
And even sighting Rodney is rare.
So you see, our medical colleagues lack Ram cams on their campus because there is no threat of Rams downtown.
There are however, the constant threat of goats. These goats are armed to the teeth and will eat anything that stands in their way.
If you should happen to cross one of these fiends, use extreme caution. Otherwise, you might find yourself being ingested slowly by a goat.
And that, my friends, is a terrible way to die. Death by goat… that there are not words to describe it.
Bob,
Why is Canada not represented in the flag line outside?
Electrokitty
Canada is not represented because Canada is actually plotting a secret attack on the United States. In about a week, Canada will pull off the largest coup ever. More will be revealed in the coming weeks as Canada builds up its forces.
Do you have a question only the all-mighty Bob can answer? Send it to ctvcu@hotmail.com. Remember to put “Ask Bob” in the subject line.
