Domestic violence awareness month: Digital abuse one overlooked form of domestic violence
Domestic Violence Awareness month brings attention to nontraditional forms of abuse
Domestic Violence Awareness month addresses digital abuse as it becomes more prevalent. Photo illustration by Mel Kobran.
Allison Landry
Contributing Writer
The digital age has brought positive advances for productivity and communication, but for abusive relationships, networking tools don’t always help make situations better.
“(Digital abuse) is an increasing phenomenon in relationships where violence occurs,” said Jessica Davis, domestic and sexual violence counselor for YWCA of Richmond.
College students are in the spectrum of vulnerability, according to Cindy Southworth, founder of the SafetyNet Technology Project.
“One in four women will be physically assaulted at some point in their lifetime,” Southworth said. “The population most likely to experience dating violence is from the ages of 16 to 24, where dating is occurring most.”
Simple text-message conversations and Facebook check-ups may seem harmless and a normal way for couples to communicate. However, some intimate partners may fail to recognize when too much contact becomes harassment.
VCU senior Amory Jones was with a former love interest for four years. Her relationship seemed normal, but technology was actually taking its toll.
“A lack of trust … put the relationship overboard,” Jones said.
Jones said while technology was not the only problem negatively affecting her relationship, the use of social media did not offer much positive support for neither her nor her former love interest.
Jones said boundaries are important in a relationship, and a sense of trust can be made from creating boundaries. Jones found that online postings could easily be misinterpreted and break down trust between two people.
“I always felt like (my boyfriend) had a crush on whoever was posting on his wall or taking pictures with him,” Jones said. “Especially if there were multiple pictures with the same person.”
Jones eventually made the decision to block him. However, for many relationships, this action may be seen as “too harsh” according to Southworth.
“If there is still a relationship present, blocking the other partner on Facebook might not be ideal. A victim might think blocking will be troubling, so there are other strategies,” Southworth said. “It is recommended to use all the privacy controls that you can or to ask friends not to post your location or activities publicly.”
In some cases, social media can be an opening to emotional abuse and physical violence. Hagerstown Community College student Jamel Cobb was fatally shot in the back because of a dispute over a Facebook message he sent to another woman.
According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Cobb wished a woman happy birthday and apologized for being unable to get her a gift. Kareem Tilar, the woman’s boyfriend, was charged with possession of a firearm by a felon and is the main person of interest for the case.
“Because we’re so plugged in with technology and media that we have all become desensitized to it,” Davis said. “If you were in a relationship 20 years ago and physically left that person, you would be disconnected until the time you went back, but now (in the new digital age) there’s a constant connection to that person, even when you don’t want it.”
For Fabiola Cardenas, 19, “over-texting” created a controlling, emotionally abusive environment for her relationship.
“It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to get time to myself,” Cardenas said. “As if I am supposed to have my phone glued on me at all times.”
According to local and national domestic violence organizations, this kind of interaction should be a warning flag to dating partners.
“Keeping in touch throughout the day can be thoughtful. However, constant contact can be too much,” said Whitney Lass, an advocate and intern for Love Is Respect, a national 24-hour resource specifically designed for teens and young adults.
“If your partner is using texts or calls to monitor everywhere you go, it is a warning sign of abuse,” Lass said.
Not only are cell phones being used to maintain contact but with the introduction of the GPS, offenders can abuse these tools to track their victim’s activities.
Davis said with new phone settings, an abuser can toggle the settings so that the GPS option is always on or set up other settings to track their victim.
“One client said that her former boyfriend knew things he should have never known, like where she was going and what she had done,” Davis said.
“She had a simple Motorola Razor phone, but he had set it to an auto-answer option so even if she hit the ignore button it would automatically pick up,” Davis said. “He would be like a set of ears in her car.”
While access to digital technology may make it easier for abusers to harass and stalk victims, technology also makes it easier for police to investigate and prosecute the offender.
“It used to be that offenders would violate a protection order with no witnesses except the victim … and it would only be the victims words,” Southworth said. “A violation of a protective order is still a violation whether it is on Facebook or in person, and now digital evidence is actually making it easier to prosecute offenders of bullying and digital dating abuse.”
Staff psychologist for VCU Counseling Service Lyndon Aguiar said that VCU offers outreach programs, including therapy sessions and outside workshop activities to raise awareness for domestic violence and abuse.
“We hold presentations and pass out information to give victims strategies and advice during troubled times,” Aguiar said. “The outreach program at VCU offers free and confidential service and covers a wide range of areas. We want to help students understand their issues and be able to confront them.”
For many people, it is hard to walk away from a relationship where an emotional connection was established, but in an abusive relationship, the thought of leaving could be frightening or even seem impossible.
“Leaving is hard,” Davis said. “Based on research, someone will leave a … violent relationship seven times on average before they leave for good.”
According to Davis, there are many local resources for victims who may be struggling with their relationships.
Arhart works with on-call volunteers who respond to hospitals for domestic and sexual violence cases. According to Davis, advocates are sent the hospital where a victim is to be supportive.
The YWCA, Hanover Safe Place and SafeHarbor coordinate this program together for the MCV hospital and other hospitals around the greater Richmond area.
“It’s hard for many partners to leave someone they love or care for and face that they might not be the best partner for them,” Davis said. “But it’s important to stay mindful of whether or not you feel safe with your partner, and whether or not you feel like there’s open trust in your relationship.”
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RED FLAGS for potentially abusive relationships
Your dating partner:
- Tells you who you can or can’t be friends with on Facebook and other sites.
- Sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, DMs or other messages online.
- Uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, foursquare and others to keep constant tabs on you.
- Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return.
- Steals or insists to be given your passwords.
- Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished.
- Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.
