Molly Christianson, Staff Writer
A little while ago, I saw a TikTok that really stood out to me. It was a random picture with a yellow font that said, “What y’all are calling princess treatment is something I’d do for one of my friends on a Tuesday.” It made me realize how often we romanticize things that should just be normal parts of friendship.
When did checking in on someone, showing up for them or simply being there become something reserved for romantic relationships? Why are significant others expected to provide your emotional support?
Everyone says “it takes a village,” but it seems like people want the benefits of having a village without wanting to actually be a villager. Growing up, my parents used a different metaphor: do not put all of your eggs in one basket. They were telling me to build a support system of different people in my life to lean on when I need them.
You cannot expect to have people who will show up for you if you are never willing to show up for them. Being part of a village means understanding that sometimes you are the person who needs help, and sometimes you are the person who has to give it.
This is where I think the conversation around boundaries gets complicated. Boundaries are good. You should not tolerate disrespect, manipulation or relationships that genuinely harm you. However, being inconvenienced is not the same thing as being harmed. Sometimes being a good friend means going out of your way or putting in a little extra effort when you can.
Bringing your friend food, checking in on them, showing up to something important, listening to them or celebrating their accomplishments are not necessarily extravagant gestures: They are community behaviors.
A friendship where you are constantly afraid that expressing a need will make the other person leave is not necessarily protected by “boundaries” — it may simply lack vulnerability.
Recently, my friend and I went to see a spin-off of “Romeo and Juliet” that one of our friends was acting in. When he saw us after the show, he was so deeply appreciative of our attendance and support. He kept thanking us for showing up.
Something so simple to us meant so much to him. That is what friendship should be about. It should not be, “I don’t go to plays, so I’m not going to support you.” The friend I went with had never seen a play before and had little interest in Shakespeare, yet she went to support him anyway.
She was willing to go out of her way for someone she cared about, and that is friendship.
You should not demand community while refusing every responsibility that comes with being part of one. This is not to say you need to burn yourself out filling everyone else’s cup; you are allowed to have limits. However, you need to be willing to be inconvenienced to help someone you love.
You cannot demand a village if you are not willing to be a villager yourself.