Bella Fratarcangelo, Contributing Writer
Director Curry Barker’s low-budget horror hit, “Obsession,” tells audiences what most women have known for centuries: nice guys are often not nice guys, they are not nice lovers and cool girls do not exist.
In “Obsession,” a twenty-something “nice guy” named Bear wishes on a collectible children’s toy that his long-time crush, Nikki, would love him more than anyone else in the entire world. From this moment until the curse is broken, the real Nikki loses her autonomy and embodies a caricature of a crazy girlfriend, nicknamed Freaky Nikki.
Barker, in an interview with “The Collider,” rebuked the notion that “Obsession” is a story of someone “possessed” by a demonic entity or ancient spirit. I interpret Nikki as Bear’s possession, a reward he supposedly deserves after years of sweatily pinching the sleeves of his vintage sweater collection, pining after an artsy baddie. To him, her inauthentic, ham-fisted, manic love is preferable to romantic rejection.
Nikki is dehumanized by the male gaze — specifically, Bear’s gaze.
Told through Bear’s perspective, the film only confronts fleeting moments of Nikki’s suffering that are unavoidable for Bear. The audience does not get to know Nikki intimately. She is only the object of Bear’s affection and the victim of his selfishness.
Male audiences fear living with a Freaky Nikki.
Female audiences fear living as the real Nikki.
“Traditional” relationships are characterized by a power imbalance between those who possess someone and are pleased by them and the possessed who pleases. “Obsession” is a snapshot of how centuries of traditional relationships have marred value appraisal or bestowal practices in romance.
Philosophers have historically confused appraisal and bestowal of value with one another. This confusion can be defined by the Euthyphros Problem: “Does love appraise what is valuable in the beloved, or does love bestow value onto the beloved as a person?”
I firmly believe that both are at the core of a healthy relationship.
To be loved is to be valued. To give love is to value. However, as philosopher Irving Singer wrote in “The Nature of Love,” love and the want for love are not “inherently moral.” Bestowal involves participation in, appreciation of and partnership through someone’s smiles, frowns, ups and downs. Although Bear feels a twisted responsibility for Freaky Nikki (as the progenitor of her neuroticism) he does not desire for the real Nikki to return for any other reason than to do away with Freaky Nikki.
Bear never wanted to love Nikki — he wanted her to love him.
“Obsession” is a pulp morality tale for Gen Z. Bear appraises Nikki, bestows next to nothing on her value as a person and disregards her freedom to reject him. Barker ascribes horrific fictional consequences to a timeless patriarchal fantasy: the cool girl.
In “Gone Girl,” author Gillian Flynn describes this fantasy: “Cool girls never get angry, they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.”
In reality, cool girls are pretenders who act as what men want with no complaints, for the purpose of earning empty affection. The demand and supply for cool girls is systemic.
In “The Nature of Love,” Singer declares that reciprocity of bestowal is the best method to develop authentic, enjoyable love with another human being. Still, in heterosexual relationships, women are socially expected to commit the lion’s share of bestowal while men are socially expected to serially appraise women, bestowing little upon them. Furthermore, everyone, regardless of gender, is expected to self-appraise to self-extinction.
All of these social expectations are echoed throughout popular online communities and trends: the Red Pill movement, trad wives, love robots and chatbots, femcels and pick-me girls, couples content and so on.
Nothing good comes from othering and dehumanizing our potential lovers. It is my hypothesis, as a seasoned armchair psychologist, that the root of Gen Z’s loneliness epidemic is appraisal prioritization. Everyone, especially men, needs to remind themselves that romantic partners are multi-dimensional human beings. If you want a sex robot, buy a sex robot. If you want to love another human being, try finding a life partner. If you are not prepared to be a life partner, try finding self-fulfillment.