An Ode to Self Care

Illustration Alex Hwee.

RLWR: A No No (ft. Shawni) [REMIX] – Mariah Carey

I recently was given some information that would be the end of a certain coworker. She has a history of sub-par performance and general bitchery, we never got along and we both keep it civil for work’s sake but we both don’t like one another. Be that as it may, she is human, and I know she is a single mother. Should I go to my boss with what I know or do I let events unfold without my involvement?

This is all very vague, and you sound a little too pleased with yourself. So you have something on her that may or may not be used as leverage, but to what end? What do you really want to happen here? Will you gain anything from her being fired? Even if you do, will it all be worth the potential blowback? Ask yourself what’s really in it for you, because if you tear your coworker down just to watch her fall, you are just as shady as she is. Don’t waste leverage on drama.  Use it to achieve a specific goal and be prepared for the consequences. And if all else fails, never forget you could always mind your business and do your job.

I just asked another guy out for a drink (as a date) for the first time, and I’m nervous. We have met at a couple of parties but when he shows up, how do I greet him? A hug feels too forward and a handshake makes it feel like a business meeting. Help a fellow gay out?

Just relax! The best advice I can offer here is for you to get out of your head and get into the moment. Overthinking something so minimal is a sure way to make a situation awkward and kill any hope of a second date. Be you and have a good time. The rest will fall into place.

Why do I feel obligated to date a guy just because he likes me?

Oh honey, it has everything to do with that gaping void where your self-worth is supposed to be. And unfortunately, because of society, you’ve only been taught to fill it through external validation and compliance.

My ex wants me to give back the gifts he bought me while we were dating so he can sell them to buy himself something. He said he “isn’t petty, but needs to start putting himself first.” Thoughts?

Girl, keep those gifts on principle! Even if you don’t want them, donate them to charity or hell, set them on fire in the street before letting him take them back. This is 100% petty, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. No one who truly loved you would give you a gift and then snatch it back when all is done. And while you’re at it, cut all contact off with him. He sounds like garbage and nothing but trouble.

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