An Ode to Self Care

Illustration by Alex Hwee
Shaun Jackson. Illustration by Alex Hwee

Shaun Jackson
Staff Columnist

Recommended Listening While Reading: “Give A Little” – Maggie Rogers

What is a good way to break it off when he keeps calling after one awkward date?

First, there’s no real ‘good’ way to break it off. Nine times out of 10 it’s probably going to be a tad uncomfortable. Second, keep cool and actually sit down to have a real conversation with him. It’s really hard to intentionally sit down and have an awkward conversation. I believe wholeheartedly that if it is mentionable, it’s manageable — so mention it, access your situation and manage it

Why am I so incredibly sexually attracted to people with whom I have nothing in common?

Well, it is on you to decide whether you want to get to the root of this issue. From the outside looking in, though, it seems like an ill-advised defense mechanism to keep you from feeling any and all types of vulnerability. When you choose these people, I think you are doing so in an effort to avoid any kind of emotional investment, so you seek out partners with whom you share no commonalities. Why share yourself with people who do absolutely nothing for you outside of the physical? It is in no way a healthy orientation to have toward your interpersonal relationships.

Can you remain friends with your ex?

Oh, boy. This one is always a favorite of mine. Within all relationship-oriented advice this question is without a doubt the most polarizing. There are those who try to salvage what’s good after a bad situation, and of course, people who would rather move forward and not look back. While it is possible and works for certain couples, I would exercise caution when trying to go from a romantic state to a platonic one. Crossing that line can be hard. For some people, the chemistry of their relationship doesn’t shift so easily, but if there is someone you deeply care for and you can make that shift, go for it. Just don’t get caught in a cycle and deny yourself new relationships or experiences on account of fractured remnants of the past.

My boyfriend cheated on me and is now dating the girl he cheated on me with. Yet, I would still take him back if he asked. What is wrong with me?

Now I’m going to go real wild on this one and hazard a guess that you are already painfully aware of what is wrong with you. The short answer is that you have a complete lack of self-respect for yourself. This is why you haven’t only given it thought, but you have entertained the idea of letting someone who sounds so cloyingly toxic back into your life. Look, relationships are so difficult to navigate. When you finally find someone who works with you, it can be very hard to let the idea of them go, in spite of what they show you with their actions. You are worth so much more than him. Don’t lessen your self-worth and value by going back to him.

 

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