*Recommended listening while reading: “Get Well Soon” – Ariana Grande
I’ve broken up with 90% of the people I have been with. What’s most likely the issue? Should I feel like there’s a central problem?
Darling, not only are you painfully aware of the fact that there is a central problem, I also think a part of you does not want to admit that you are a part of the central problem. I totally get it, we are fed the same Nicholas Sparks-esque sociological constructs that dictate what our love lives and relationships should look like. When we get lost in all of that, we never take the time to step back and evaluate ourselves to see what we can offer or contribute — or if we’re even fit to maintain a stable and healthy relationship. Take a look in the mirror, my friend, and you will find in yourself what you have been looking for in these relationships that have ended.
Over the summer, I met the perfect guy who was crazy for me; I screwed things up, he moved on and hasn’t talked to me since. I’m not sure but I think I love him. Even though it was just two months, missing him has been affecting my life in terrible ways, I tried dating others and it doesn’t work. What the hell do I do?
Do not fret, we have all fallen victim to a summer love at one point or another! Pursuing him may not be the best option now, but a genuine and sincere apology would let him know that you’re sorry for screwing up, and that you still want him in your life if he wants to be there. Here’s where things get difficult: if he still refuses to communicate with you, you have to let him go. Situations do not always have a “because” or a “why.” Sometimes in life, you have to be your own closure. It has to be intrinsic and organic. If you are going to heal, let it be glorious.
Do you believe people manifest/create most of the issues they experience in love and relationships?
Absolutely, with no doubt about it. I have even been guilty of this recently! I’ve been speaking to this guy for about two months, and I was having trouble navigating whether we were actually dating or ‘talking,’ just trying to get a sense of where we were going — if anywhere. But instead of having confidence and advocating for myself and my feelings, I spoke to everyone except him about the issue. Halfway through regaling my whole debacle to my Uber driver, I realized I could assuage so much of my anxieties and insecurities if I just spoke to him. So I did. Did I get the answer I was hoping for? No. Do I have peace of mind and am I better for it? You’d best believe it.
I’m not a very sociable guy, but I want to get out there and meet some new people and possibly find someone. What are the best ways to take that initial step out of my comfort zone?
Start small. University, at times, can be very overwhelming to handle, but not impossible by any means. Get to know the people in your classes and near your home, whether that be a dorm or somewhere off-campus. Get involved! I know I sound like a cheesy after-school special, but you wouldn’t be reading this column (and I wouldn’t be writing it) if I hadn’t put myself out there and found a student organization I’m absolutely in love with. Take a deep breath. If it makes you feel any better, everyone is just as nervous and confused as you are.
If you’d like to send Shaun a question you can submit them via email at firstname.lastname@example.org or anonymously at Lascivious-Witch.Tumblr.Com/Ask