An ode to self-care

Illustration by Iain Duffus

Is there a perfect time of year to fall in love? What about a time of year when people tend to fall out of love? If you believe they exist, please explain.

Well, I do know for a fact chronobiology can tell you the best time to fall in love based on your physiological and cyclical rhythms — look into it. However, outside of all that, I do believe people tend to fall in love most during the spring and summer time. I think the warm weather and lack of clothing tends to put people in the mood. I don’t think there’s a proper time for someone to fall out of love. People can be in a relationship and be growing apart a vast majority of the time but fail to realize it as life tends to go.

I’ve broken up with 90 percent of the people I have been with. What’s most likely the issue? Should I feel like there’s a central problem?

It sounds like you’re looking for something, and time and time again, you’re finding that the people you have chosen to been with don’t have it. There is a central problem here, and it might be time to face the mirror and realize the problem might reside with you. I would take time and look back on who you’ve been with and why it really ended. Hindsight is 20/20 and I would highly encourage you to look back at yourself and see if there was more to your relationships at first glance. Introspection is painfully necessary to make most relationships work.

Do you believe people manifest/create most of the issues they experience in love and relationships?

Oh, without a doubt. The trick here is to be completely cognizant of these issues and to be able to willingly talk through and address them with your partner. People nowadays carry so many anxieties and traumas to the point where they can be blinded by them and these things act slowly as in insipid poison to our happiness. Dating is more or less waiting at baggage claim in an airport. Look around — everyone is carrying baggage. It’s about finding the baggage that goes with yours.

How do you forgive someone?

First and foremost, you have to want to and be ready. One of my lovely psychology professors said it to me in a way that has stuck with me for a long time: “Sorry is something you say for someone; forgiveness is something you do for yourself.” In life, you have to come to terms with the fact that anyone worth knowing, anyone worth having in your life, is going to hurt you from time to time. Though they may or may not mean to, how you choose to heal and move on from those instances are going to be what really matters. Forgiveness, in certain regards, is quintessential to your happiness. Grudges are as horrendous as they are pointless. You can’t drink poison and expect someone else to die, can you?

If you’d like to send Shaun a question you can submit them via email at or anonymously at Lascivious-Witch.Tumblr.Com/Ask  

Shaun Jackson, Staff Columnist 

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