An ode to self-care

Illustration by Iain Duffus
Illustration by Iain Duffus

As a lesbian, I’m very much attracted to females. When I interacted with a transgender man that seemed interested, I had a little identity crisis. But I also got good vibes from this person. In situations like this, should I give it a chance?

If you’re vibing and feel comfortable, I would definitely give it a go. A lot of the time relationships can and should teach us new things about ourselves and avenues that may have not been explored otherwise. You gain nothing from denying yourself experiences and emotions you haven’t felt before.

When do you know that you’re happy in life? Do you think there’s a certain realization where it should click? If so what would it be?

I don’t think there’s one overall indicator of happiness in life. It’s not an excessive amount of a chipper attitude or an all-encompassing feeling of completeness. If you can come to the realization that you can look at the smaller things in your life and find happiness in the minutest detail you are most likely some variation of happy or content. This of course is going to vary from person to person but, for example, if you’re content with your work, job, whatever you do and the company you keep—you’re probably happy.

My partner has admitted to getting off from choking and general rough stuff during sex. We’ve tried it out a few times and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I want her to enjoy sex, but I’m at a loss at what to do!

Well the first step is to advocate for yourself. Sex should always be three things: safe, fun and consensual! Use this as an opportunity to open up a dialogue between you and your partner and discuss your bodies, what you like and don’t like and figure out together what you folks can do to make sure every party is satisfied.

What can I do to stop missing someone?  

This can be quite difficult to navigate depending on how and why your situation ended. Sometimes there is not a “because” or a “why” in a situation and you have to muster up everything you have and find closure intrinsically. It sucks at first, but as time progresses and you gain hindsight, you may find yourself in a better place than where you started.

If you’d like to send Shaun a question you can submit them via email at [email protected] or anonymously at Lascivious-Witch.Tumblr.Com/Ask  

Shaun Jackson, Staff Columnist 

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